A Father's Thoughts

The Baby Story Thus Far

A Father's Thoughts
I pray that God uses me in whatever way he sees fit. It excites me to look back on my life and be able to point out specific times when I can clearly see how he used me. In some cases I could see it as it was happening; in others I still can't see what he was doing through me. But I praise him that he does use me as his vessel, and pray that I will always be useful to him.

It's a strange emotion, then, to discover that my Lord has used me and my wonderful wife to create a new life. Over the past two days, I have meditated on this wonderful mystery. Lana and I have conceived, not a fetal blob, but a complete person, who will one day (if the Lord wills) burp and cry and dance, and run and chew and laugh, and ask and wonder and learn, and love and lose and weep, and listen and understand and believe. Out of the love of a husband and wife comes a new love - tenderly we will give it and slowly receive it.

Only eight and a half months have passed since I left my father and mother to cleave to my wife, and already I foresee the day when my precious child will leave Lana and me and join in marriage with another. Our task is to prepare him or her for that day, for that person, for that life. In the meantime, we will enjoy life with the third member of our family.

Praise you, Father, for the child you have granted me and Lana. May we never fail to remember that he or she belongs to you, and that you have entrusted us to raise him or her up in the knowledge and instruction of the Lord. May we one day send our child out from us, a flaming arrow to bring a little more light into the darkness of this world.

Readers, please pray for our three-person family. My new highest priority is doing everything I can to protect my wife and our baby during this fragile period of pregnancy. But ultimately it is the Lord's to give or to take away, to preserve or to extinguish. Pray that we will trust him completely and praise him in good time or ill.

And yes, I am jacked about being a dad! Praise the Lord!!!

Where I am right now

I really haven't posted in a long time, have I?


Going to Lana's church tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it; should be a pretty different style of service than what I'm used to, and that's a good thing. And of course, I'm just excited about getting to be with Lana and her family.

Then, that afternoon at her church, we have the second of our wedding showers! Yippee great and glorious joy! The one last Sunday, at my church, was a blast, and now we get to do another one! Pretty cool to think about getting presents from a bunch of people most of whom I've never met.

Heading into the home stretch with school; three weeks of class left. It's strange, the way semesters go by. You get situated in your new classes, then you get used to them and they just become a part of regular life, then before you know it they're wrapping up. Cannot wait to bid this semester farewell and head into what promises to be the greatest summer of my life.

Forty days left till marriage. Sounds very surreal, yet for some reason it isn't, to me. It just feels right, to know that I'm spending my last few days in my family's house, that I will soon leave it and not come back (except to visit, of course), that I will begin to live with Lana and continue living with her for the rest of my life.

As I prepare for that, I'm still looking for one key component -- my job. The company that I have been working for had to downsize this year and I probably won't be working for them again in the foreseeable future. So I'm exploring options and trying to find a job. My personal goal is to have a job by the end of this coming week, so please pray that God will guide my search and lead me to the job He has for me, in His time.

That's all for now. Sorry for the length of time between posts; hopefully I'll be able to post more frequently in the future. God bless all of you.

You are now entering the SAPPINESS ZONE...Beware

Well, five months of courtship, today. And four more months till marriage. Wow...There's no doubt that the 23rd is my all-time favorite day of the month. It's beautiful...

She wrote an absolutely darling post on her blog about it and about me and about things she loves about me. *Sigh* Wow...she's so sweet...

It's a wonderful idea, and I think I'd like to do the same thing, about her. (Wow, you're thinking, THAT was unpredictable.) Well, she's that amazing, and I love her so much, and I love talking about her. And I haven't really written a post about her in a while anyway. And it is the 23rd, after all. OK, so I'm sure you'll agree that there are plenty of reasons for me to do this. Let us then proceed. If you don't like the sappiness, I'm sorry and don't feel obligated to read it; it's not really for all the rest of you anyway.

What do I love about my fiancee? Mmm...

I love her radiant smile; she insists on calling it crooked and I still don't see really what she means; I mean, I've never seen anyone with a straight smile. Isn't it impossible to have a straight smile, by definition? Anyways, yeah, her smile is knock-me-down gorgeous.
I love how she takes care of me. She takes advantage of every opportunity she gets now; just wait till we're married.
I love how she's mature and deep and profound, and yet also can say stupid things, pursue (seemingly) pointless lines of discussion with me, and laugh at my idiocy.
I love how she dresses, never ostentatious but always stylish and simple.
I love her range of voice, whether she's reading things aloud (you may not like it, darling, but I do), arguing an important point in class discussion, or whispering secrets to me.
I love how she is never demanding, never tries to manipulate me into doing what she wants, because all she wants is to be with me and for me to be happy. I was thrilled to be able to get her the engagement ring that she had wanted, a marquise solitaire in white gold band, but I know for a fact that she would have been thrilled with any ring I might have given her, and never would have thought to complain.
I love how she holds LilyPie and never treats her as baggage but always as a person to be loved and sung to and danced with and talked to.
I love how, when she's cooking, she climbs onto the counter to reach the high cabinets (even though it makes me frightfully nervous and I hope to eliminate it by getting high things for her when we're married).
I love how she pours herself into her work, whether it's cooking, writing, cleaning, or studying.
I love her hands; she doesn't like them (or didn't, at least) but I truly cannot imagine any more beautiful hands, and I can't wait to hold them.
I love how well she knows me and how she can tell when something's bothering me.
I love that her heart is that of a shining servant: she wants to serve God first and love Him with her everything, then serve and love me with her everything, then serve and love the rest of her family (now it's parents and siblings; eventually it will be our kids, hers and mine).
I love her willingness to come be a part of my church, even though it's outside her comfort zone and even though it's going to be so hard for her.
I love that she's acutely aware of her failings and shortcomings, and doesn't try to hide them from me.
I love that she tells me about myself, and lets me tell her about herself.
I love how she guarded her heart for me and did not let me in until I asked with parental blessing.
I love how she looked at me through the tears in her eyes and returned my love, as soon as I told her I love her. Without hesitation.
I love that she is my girl and no one else's, and that she is giving me her everything, holding nothing back.
I love how I can look into her eyes and see my reflection.
I love her green eyes, the most beautiful eyes God has ever made, eyes that He made for me.

I could go on and on and on ("and you already have," the rest of you are groaning), but it's considerably past my bedtime, so I'll stop there. Although the posting day will read the 23rd, it is now the 24th - three months and twenty-nine days till I marry my Lana Marie. I still have trouble believing it. Wow...

Thank You, Father, for the unspeakable gift that is my lover. I ask you to allow me to love my princess the way she deserves, to always treasure her and love her as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. I praise Your Name, my God; the life You've given me is the opposite of what I deserve, but to share life with Lana...You are too good to me.

My Lana, I miss you terribly, and I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I love you.

All right, so I'm doing it

OK, my sister tagged me (whatever that means), so I'm going to do the, er, tag thing. Mostly because she half-begged me to do it and put on her blogpost that she didn't think I would. So ha, provin' you wrong, my sis!

8 Things I'm Passionate About:
1. King Jesus, my Savior, my Lord, my divine Lover
2. The fairest maiden who has ever lived, my own dear Lana Marie
3. Pointing people to their Creator, whether or not they know Him already
4. My family - parents and sibs, in-laws, extended, church...thank God for them!
5. Leading people in singing the praises of their God
6. Writing - using words to create a work that honors God and ultimately draws people to Him
7. Preparing to be a godly husband and father
8. Reading good writing

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
1. Wow, um, this'll be a shocker to you, but...MARRY LANA ON MAY 23!
2. Have kids with Lana and raise them to know and love God
3. See all of my kids enter into a passionate love relationship with Jesus
4. Become a published author
5. Complete my novel about Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection
6. Go to FtF 08 and see the fire fall (not literally this year, unfortunately)
7. Ride on the Fort Smith Transit with Lana
8. Get raptured, and thus, not die at all

8 Things I Say Often:
1. "I love you." (Hmm, who might I be saying that to?)
2. "Shut everything else out and focus on God." (My youth group can testify to that)
3. "Sing it out."
4. "Amazing stacey."
5. "You're so beautiful." (See #1)
6. "That's nice."
7. "You're nice."
8. "Whatcha thinkin'?" (See #5 for each of the last three)

8 Books I've Read Recently:
1. The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel
2. The End of the Third Age by J. R. R. Tolkien, edited by Christopher Tolkien
3. Chosen by Ted Dekker
4. Infidel by Ted Dekker
5. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson
6. Me, Myself, and Bob by Phil Vischer
7. When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy
8. Oh, wait, does the Bible count? Well, then, yeah.

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over:
1. "Breathe in Me" by Michael W. Smith
2. "Lemonade" by Chris Rice
3. "No Ordinary Love" by TobyMac
4. "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by Steven Curtis Chapman
5. "Why Should the Devil (Have All the Good Music) by Geoff Moore and the Distance
6. "Audience of One" by Big Daddy Weave
7. "Already Over" by Red
8. "Can't Stop Praising" by Hillsong

8 Albums I Love (I added this one because there's just too much good music out there):
1. I'll Lead You Home by Michael W. Smith
2. End of Silence by Red
3. Jesus Freak by dc Talk
4. Lifesong by Casting Crowns
5. Song Cinema by Mark Schultz
6. Evolution by Geoff Moore and the Distance
7. The Jesus Record by Rich Mullins and the Ragamuffin Band
8. Jars of Clay by Jars of Clay (the one I'm listening to right now)

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friend (ooh, this'll be fun):
1. She loves God passionately, above everything else
2. She loves me more than anyone else (how can you not be attracted to someone like that?)
3. She is so beautiful that it distracts me when I'm trying to think
4. She has a gentle and kind spirit, and a warm personality
5. She's funny
6. She smells good
7. She knows me better than anyone else and has more wisdom about important things than I do
8. She's a woman (pretty important, dontcha think?), and the most amazing woman I've ever met at that

8 Things I've Learned This Past Year:
1. Everything truly is in His hands
2. His plans may fulfill my plans or wreck them, but they're always better than mine
3. Waiting to awaken love until it so desires really is worth it
4. Romance really does make you as insane as I've always heard - maybe even more so
5. When my faith is tested, it's tested at the roots - He always asks me, "Do you believe?"
6. I'm even more prideful and arrogant than I thought
7. My (future) wife really does have to be my #2 priority, after God
8. Don't ever film a full-length movie in your directorial debut

8 People I'm Tagging:
Nope, sorry, here's where I get off.

Random thoughts

Random thoughts before I retire (to bed):

Just got done reading a play by Chekhov for Theater class. I'm sure it was deeply moving. Awesomely beautiful. Splendiferously phantasmagoric. I'm glad it's over.

I hate not being able to spend very much time with my family, with my job and school and everything. I love Lana and I want to marry her and live with her more than anything, but the idea of leaving my family makes me want to cry.

I believe; help me with my unbelief.

"It is a curse having the epic temperament in an overcrowded age devoted to snappy bits!" - J. R. R. Tolkien

Romance is like a very special Christmas present from your Father, who gives the best gifts in the whole world. You've waited for it for so long, dreamed about it. Finally, one day, you see it wrapped and sitting under the tree. But you can't open it yet, not for a long time, and you know that shaking it could spoil the surprise that awaits. One day, after staring at it dreamily for a long time, you break down and open it in secret, just for a second, to see what it is. Then you close it up again. As December rolls onward, you do this over and over again. It's pretty fun, very exciting; you talk yourself into believing there was never anything wrong with opening it early. But when Christmas morning rolls around and you get to open and enjoy the whole thing, something curious happens, or rather, has happened. It's, well, not everything you'd hoped. It's exciting, sure, but it's nothing like what you'd dreamed. And you're left to wonder what it would have been like if you'd left the box alone until the appointed time.

Life is a complicated haze of preemptive indigestion.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to just give it up and quit the stupid school thing.

You guys have no idea how awesome it is to get to lead a group of young people in worship once a week.

I have a watch. It's really nice. All the guys in my youth group envy it, although only Aaron is willing to admit it.

Some Christians say that even if we were wrong in what we believe and there was no God and death was the very end, we would still be on the right side because Christians live the happiest lives. I say, balderdash. The Apostle Paul said, if our belief in a resurrection is false, "we are to be pitied above all men." If Jesus did not rise from the dead, there is no hope, all is vanity, period.

"Oh God, bless us. Yea, even curse us. But please be not silent!"

The term "Jesus Freak" used to be a way of insulting Christians. Then a little band called dc Talk turned it around and made it cool. But do you claim it, and if so, do you live up to the title?

There ain't no disguising the truth...Truth can be suppressed, but it cannot be silenced. We get down on Pilate, but he asked the right question; he just didn't wait around for the answer. "What is Truth?"

What will you do for Christ? What will you NOT do for Him?