Afterglow

So yeah, your face really does glow after that first kiss.

On May 23, 2008, I wedded the love of my life, Lana Marie.  Tonight we have completed the first of (Lord willing) many years together.  I praise my God for the love He has lavished on me and my wife.  Thank You, Father, for this good and perfect gift!

To my Lana, I say:

The springtime's arriving, the blossoms appear
The rain's gone away, and our love song is here
So come with me, darling, my beautiful one
'Cause the winter is over, and we've just begun

I love you.

A passion for the Word

My son, do not forget my teaching,
but keep my commands in your heart,
for they will prolong your life many years
and bring you prosperity.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.

Honor the Lord with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;
then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline
and do not resent His rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those He loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

- Proverbs 3:1-12

I've been working through Proverbs lately, and these verses (among many, many others) have meant a lot to me. I'm so young, so green, so immature, and this book in particular is filled with stuff aimed directly at my life. I need it so badly. And it makes me realize anew that I need the Word, so, so badly.

As a preacher's kid, some of my greatest advantages can also turn into weaknesses, if I let them. For as long as I can remember, I've known a lot about the Bible. I used to get teased about it all the time in youth; I guess not so much anymore since I'm one of the leaders, and people are used to it. For a while, in my mid-teens, it became almost a joke in youth class to mention some Bible verse and then have me quote it word for word and provide the reference.

People would stare at me and wonder how I knew so much about the Bible. Well, it's really not that hard when it's been banged into you your whole life, from many different sources.

But I haven't been thinking much about knowing a lot about the Bible. The truth is, I don't know nearly enough. That's where this strength has turned into a weakness for me. For a long time, I've pretty much grown complacent about the Word. I've learned a lot about it, and I've begun to think that it was enough. That I didn't really need to diligently pursue the Truth of the Word of God like I used to.

As a result, I feel like I'm way behind, in a way. Sure, I spend time reading my Bible everyday, like I'm supposed to, but why do I do it? Just 'cause I'm supposed to?

That ain't good enough.

I want to have a passion for the Word of God. To be continually studying it, memorizing it, meditating on it, coming back to it, applying it to my life. I don't ever want to stop learning the Scriptures, going deeper into them. But it seems like I'm so far away from doing that consistently. Give me a hunger for Your Word, Father!

"The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life." - John 6:63

God is working!

God is working, and wow is it cool.

Tonight during our youth service I got to pray with three young men from our group. All of them are part of our core, and all of them have recently shared some of their struggles as God does a work in their lives. It was such a blessing tonight to be able to talk to them, pray with them, tell them I loved them.

The Lord is doing a work in our church right now. What do I mean when I say that? He's always working after all, isn't He? Well, yeah, He is, but I just mean that over the past few months we have seen His work show up in individual people's lives. Some of them had been lost, some had been backsliders, some needed to be baptized, some just needed to go deeper in their walks with God.

There is nothing like being able to see the hand of God working in a church. I praise Him so much for allowing me to be a part of this one. I know that ultimately, there's nothing special about our church. We're just a local body of believers that God continues to bless. It's all about Him, now and always.

Thank You, Lord, for my church family.

Why, why, why?

Why am I the way I am?

Why do I love grandeur and majesty and epic storytelling so much?

Why is my singing voice so deformedly loud as to blot out all noise within a fifteen-foot radius of me?

Why did I not merely listen to, but enjoy Beethoven's Fourth Symphony in the car on Monday?

Why do I forget about my most important mail immediately after opening and reading it?

Why am I able to look an instructor in the eye with a frown of professed concentration, when my mind is far away?

Why do I step into the shower and immediately begin dreaming of the epic movies I hope to one day realize?

Why do I mess with my pens during class?

Why do I seemingly always lean toward my lover, whether we're sitting or standing?

Why can't I write a good poem?

Why do I always sling my backpack over my right shoulder?

Why do I tape memorable quotes to my bedroom ceiling?

Why do I have to make sure to rip every CD I have onto my computer, regardless of whether I ever plan on listening to it or not?

Why do I like to edit video?

There's a trite answer, of course, and you've probably guessed what it must be. I don't know, but He does, and He made me that way. OK, so it's true. Doesn't make it any less trite. And it still doesn't really answer: Why?

We humans want to know why. Most of us do, anyway. If you don't, you're either very privileged or very delusional. Why, why, why? The Psalmists asked it; Job asked it; Moses asked it.

It's okay to ask, I think. But we can't necessarily expect to get the answer. At least, not the answer we seek. God gave Job a pretty memorable answer, mostly using questions, but He never gave Job what he wanted.

His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts than our thoughts. That's scary, mindboggling, comforting. He is, after all, God, and I am, after all, little Homo sapien.

I look forward to finding out all the "why's" about me. 'Cause I think He'll reveal them, someday. He likes to reveal mysteries, in their proper time. He's going to show me how He tweaked and tinged me, formed and filled me, molded and marked me, and how vitally important every single tiny detail was in his True Myth, his Great Epic.

That's the kind of God He is. He revels in art, in craft, in beauty and glory in things made. He tells big stories, huge stories, so intricate and detailed that, even in heaven, we may never comprehend everything in them. I like that. He made me to love big stories like that.

And I still don't know why.

You are now entering the SAPPINESS ZONE...Beware

Well, five months of courtship, today. And four more months till marriage. Wow...There's no doubt that the 23rd is my all-time favorite day of the month. It's beautiful...

She wrote an absolutely darling post on her blog about it and about me and about things she loves about me. *Sigh* Wow...she's so sweet...

It's a wonderful idea, and I think I'd like to do the same thing, about her. (Wow, you're thinking, THAT was unpredictable.) Well, she's that amazing, and I love her so much, and I love talking about her. And I haven't really written a post about her in a while anyway. And it is the 23rd, after all. OK, so I'm sure you'll agree that there are plenty of reasons for me to do this. Let us then proceed. If you don't like the sappiness, I'm sorry and don't feel obligated to read it; it's not really for all the rest of you anyway.

What do I love about my fiancee? Mmm...

I love her radiant smile; she insists on calling it crooked and I still don't see really what she means; I mean, I've never seen anyone with a straight smile. Isn't it impossible to have a straight smile, by definition? Anyways, yeah, her smile is knock-me-down gorgeous.
I love how she takes care of me. She takes advantage of every opportunity she gets now; just wait till we're married.
I love how she's mature and deep and profound, and yet also can say stupid things, pursue (seemingly) pointless lines of discussion with me, and laugh at my idiocy.
I love how she dresses, never ostentatious but always stylish and simple.
I love her range of voice, whether she's reading things aloud (you may not like it, darling, but I do), arguing an important point in class discussion, or whispering secrets to me.
I love how she is never demanding, never tries to manipulate me into doing what she wants, because all she wants is to be with me and for me to be happy. I was thrilled to be able to get her the engagement ring that she had wanted, a marquise solitaire in white gold band, but I know for a fact that she would have been thrilled with any ring I might have given her, and never would have thought to complain.
I love how she holds LilyPie and never treats her as baggage but always as a person to be loved and sung to and danced with and talked to.
I love how, when she's cooking, she climbs onto the counter to reach the high cabinets (even though it makes me frightfully nervous and I hope to eliminate it by getting high things for her when we're married).
I love how she pours herself into her work, whether it's cooking, writing, cleaning, or studying.
I love her hands; she doesn't like them (or didn't, at least) but I truly cannot imagine any more beautiful hands, and I can't wait to hold them.
I love how well she knows me and how she can tell when something's bothering me.
I love that her heart is that of a shining servant: she wants to serve God first and love Him with her everything, then serve and love me with her everything, then serve and love the rest of her family (now it's parents and siblings; eventually it will be our kids, hers and mine).
I love her willingness to come be a part of my church, even though it's outside her comfort zone and even though it's going to be so hard for her.
I love that she's acutely aware of her failings and shortcomings, and doesn't try to hide them from me.
I love that she tells me about myself, and lets me tell her about herself.
I love how she guarded her heart for me and did not let me in until I asked with parental blessing.
I love how she looked at me through the tears in her eyes and returned my love, as soon as I told her I love her. Without hesitation.
I love that she is my girl and no one else's, and that she is giving me her everything, holding nothing back.
I love how I can look into her eyes and see my reflection.
I love her green eyes, the most beautiful eyes God has ever made, eyes that He made for me.

I could go on and on and on ("and you already have," the rest of you are groaning), but it's considerably past my bedtime, so I'll stop there. Although the posting day will read the 23rd, it is now the 24th - three months and twenty-nine days till I marry my Lana Marie. I still have trouble believing it. Wow...

Thank You, Father, for the unspeakable gift that is my lover. I ask you to allow me to love my princess the way she deserves, to always treasure her and love her as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. I praise Your Name, my God; the life You've given me is the opposite of what I deserve, but to share life with Lana...You are too good to me.

My Lana, I miss you terribly, and I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I love you.

All right, so I'm doing it

OK, my sister tagged me (whatever that means), so I'm going to do the, er, tag thing. Mostly because she half-begged me to do it and put on her blogpost that she didn't think I would. So ha, provin' you wrong, my sis!

8 Things I'm Passionate About:
1. King Jesus, my Savior, my Lord, my divine Lover
2. The fairest maiden who has ever lived, my own dear Lana Marie
3. Pointing people to their Creator, whether or not they know Him already
4. My family - parents and sibs, in-laws, extended, church...thank God for them!
5. Leading people in singing the praises of their God
6. Writing - using words to create a work that honors God and ultimately draws people to Him
7. Preparing to be a godly husband and father
8. Reading good writing

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
1. Wow, um, this'll be a shocker to you, but...MARRY LANA ON MAY 23!
2. Have kids with Lana and raise them to know and love God
3. See all of my kids enter into a passionate love relationship with Jesus
4. Become a published author
5. Complete my novel about Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection
6. Go to FtF 08 and see the fire fall (not literally this year, unfortunately)
7. Ride on the Fort Smith Transit with Lana
8. Get raptured, and thus, not die at all

8 Things I Say Often:
1. "I love you." (Hmm, who might I be saying that to?)
2. "Shut everything else out and focus on God." (My youth group can testify to that)
3. "Sing it out."
4. "Amazing stacey."
5. "You're so beautiful." (See #1)
6. "That's nice."
7. "You're nice."
8. "Whatcha thinkin'?" (See #5 for each of the last three)

8 Books I've Read Recently:
1. The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel
2. The End of the Third Age by J. R. R. Tolkien, edited by Christopher Tolkien
3. Chosen by Ted Dekker
4. Infidel by Ted Dekker
5. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson
6. Me, Myself, and Bob by Phil Vischer
7. When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy
8. Oh, wait, does the Bible count? Well, then, yeah.

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over:
1. "Breathe in Me" by Michael W. Smith
2. "Lemonade" by Chris Rice
3. "No Ordinary Love" by TobyMac
4. "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by Steven Curtis Chapman
5. "Why Should the Devil (Have All the Good Music) by Geoff Moore and the Distance
6. "Audience of One" by Big Daddy Weave
7. "Already Over" by Red
8. "Can't Stop Praising" by Hillsong

8 Albums I Love (I added this one because there's just too much good music out there):
1. I'll Lead You Home by Michael W. Smith
2. End of Silence by Red
3. Jesus Freak by dc Talk
4. Lifesong by Casting Crowns
5. Song Cinema by Mark Schultz
6. Evolution by Geoff Moore and the Distance
7. The Jesus Record by Rich Mullins and the Ragamuffin Band
8. Jars of Clay by Jars of Clay (the one I'm listening to right now)

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friend (ooh, this'll be fun):
1. She loves God passionately, above everything else
2. She loves me more than anyone else (how can you not be attracted to someone like that?)
3. She is so beautiful that it distracts me when I'm trying to think
4. She has a gentle and kind spirit, and a warm personality
5. She's funny
6. She smells good
7. She knows me better than anyone else and has more wisdom about important things than I do
8. She's a woman (pretty important, dontcha think?), and the most amazing woman I've ever met at that

8 Things I've Learned This Past Year:
1. Everything truly is in His hands
2. His plans may fulfill my plans or wreck them, but they're always better than mine
3. Waiting to awaken love until it so desires really is worth it
4. Romance really does make you as insane as I've always heard - maybe even more so
5. When my faith is tested, it's tested at the roots - He always asks me, "Do you believe?"
6. I'm even more prideful and arrogant than I thought
7. My (future) wife really does have to be my #2 priority, after God
8. Don't ever film a full-length movie in your directorial debut

8 People I'm Tagging:
Nope, sorry, here's where I get off.

The Sickies, and Being Ready

Well, the sickies finally caught up with me. You can only elude their grasp for so long. I've had some fever the last couple of days, a bit of a sore throat, and some congestion of the nasal cavity. It wasn't a bad time to be sick, because it forced me to get some rest. At least, it wasn't a bad time until today; I was supposed to go with Lana's family to a Christmas get-together with her dad's family, and I had to miss it. Really wanted to go, and I know they wanted me to as well...:-(

But that's the hand that God's dealt me. So today I've been working this afternoon to get ready for the Christmas musical endeavour at our church tomorrow night. I think it's gonna be pretty neat. Unfortunately my darling is going to have to miss it because of family stuff; my Lana, we really must talk sometime and figure out whether it would work to marry each other. ;-) The courtship period is hard because we're so in love and so connected and emotionally intimate, and yet there's still a feeling of disjointedness. I haven't yet left my father and mother to cleave to her and become one flesh with her, and so we're apart. While courtship is a blast, I'm glad this isn't as far as it goes.

And I know that being married will be hard, in different ways. It'll be our family, our household, forming our own identity. (We've talked a little about that, but it probably wouldn't help you to share what we discussed.) We'll have new responsibilities, new difficulties, and of course new joys.

It's scary, and exciting. I marvel at what God has done in our lives (particularly in mine, I suppose, since I'm the one living it) to bring us closer to marriage. Six months ago, even though I knew who I was going to marry, marriage seemed distant, a dream still a long time from fulfillment. Even after I began courting Lana, I figured there would be a lengthy time before we got married. And even after I started hoping and thinking about this coming summer for our union, I still wasn't ready in a lot of ways, still needed to grow up and mature and sort through the emotions.

Am I ready now? Of course, I think that in a sense, I always have been and never will be. In different ways, of course. But that sidesteps the question: Am I ready?

Only God knows. I think so. I hope so. But I don't know. And at this point, I don't think the issue is about me being ready or Lana being ready. The issue is: Are we ready?

And I want us to be. I want it so bad. Right now I'm in the position of praying, and studying, and seeking counsel, and having to rely on God that we'll make the right decision. I find myself in that spot a lot, and I don't always handle it like I should. Somehow He still shows me His grace; He still blesses me with an amazing bride-to-be and two awesome parents and two wonderful parents-in-law(-to-be). And He still guides me down paths of righteousness, for His Name's sake.

Most of you my readers (at least, the ones that post comments; I don't know how many lurkers are out there) aren't yet in the position of having to make decisions like these. That's a good thing. But again, let me urge you to use your time as a single to draw near to God, and to prepare for marriage. The decisions -- who you'll marry, when you'll marry, where you'll live, how you'll earn money, etc. -- will still loom large one day, but you'll have trained so that you can tackle them head-on.

Above all, remember: It all comes down to His grace. What a great and glorious God we serve!

Why Being a Movie Director Is Cool

Being a movie director is cool because...

...you get to work with professional actors who know exactly how to deliver what you want, the first time. (Hey, that made me laugh.)

...you never have to go very far when you want to reach out and strangle the writer who wrote this stupid script.

...it's a job title that never fails to impress.

...you get to spend a lot of time around your gorgeous lead actress.

...people stop saying, "Are you guys still making those stupid movies?" and start saying, "Hey, I can't wait to see your movie!"

...you get a bunch of underlings with titles ranging from "First Assistant Director" to "Script-Holder Guy."

...people's destinies rest in your hands ("Sorry, but no, we'll have to keep doing takes until we actually get it right.").

...you get more time than you could ever want to work on qualities such as patience, humility, and kindness.

...you never wake up bored on a Saturday going, "Man, I have nothing to do today!"

...you get to work to fulfill your vision and then see it on screen.

OK, so I caved and threw a heartwarming, nauseating one in there at the end. What are you gonna do, sue me?

As much fun as I may have with the idea of why being a movie director is cool, I know that God has put me in this position for reasons that I mainly can't even comprehend. I have learned so much while working on this movie -- about movies and about a ton of other things. Mostly I have learned the lesson that I will continue to learn over and over again until He calls me home: that I am a sinful man in need of a Savior. Praise the Father for sending One.

A stolen post (as in, I don't have time to write it)

Hey, hello, how are ya, welcome aboard, as Sean Hannity says.

I don't really have time to post right now, at all; should be in bed at this point, but it's been too long and I needed to get something on here, and I'm not feeling that tired, so you won't be seeing any One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People-Eaters today, nothing more tragic than a run-on sentence.

I had something I was gonna say and I totally forgot it. Maybe I am tired after all. Ah well.

Oh, yeah, if you've got a filter that keeps you off YouTube (our desktop does, or did), and you want to see Hunted previews, check out www.godtube.com. It's the Christian version of YouTube, fairly cool though obviously not quite so polished as the real thing, and just do a search on it for, I don't know, Hunted or Hobbbottom or something like that. I've got the preview and the teaser up (the ones I previously featured on this blog) and so far both have grabbed a lot of views; I'm curious to know who's watching them.

Anyways, wanted to let ya'll know about that. I guess I'll get out of here and get in my bed and get nice sleep. Thanks to all of you who are praying for me and Lana; we've had a tough week on several fronts, but God has been there for us every step of the way, and right now I think we're tired but happy (OK, I admit it, I am kinda tired).

Peace out, dawgs; I love you, Lana.

Random thoughts

Random thoughts before I retire (to bed):

Just got done reading a play by Chekhov for Theater class. I'm sure it was deeply moving. Awesomely beautiful. Splendiferously phantasmagoric. I'm glad it's over.

I hate not being able to spend very much time with my family, with my job and school and everything. I love Lana and I want to marry her and live with her more than anything, but the idea of leaving my family makes me want to cry.

I believe; help me with my unbelief.

"It is a curse having the epic temperament in an overcrowded age devoted to snappy bits!" - J. R. R. Tolkien

Romance is like a very special Christmas present from your Father, who gives the best gifts in the whole world. You've waited for it for so long, dreamed about it. Finally, one day, you see it wrapped and sitting under the tree. But you can't open it yet, not for a long time, and you know that shaking it could spoil the surprise that awaits. One day, after staring at it dreamily for a long time, you break down and open it in secret, just for a second, to see what it is. Then you close it up again. As December rolls onward, you do this over and over again. It's pretty fun, very exciting; you talk yourself into believing there was never anything wrong with opening it early. But when Christmas morning rolls around and you get to open and enjoy the whole thing, something curious happens, or rather, has happened. It's, well, not everything you'd hoped. It's exciting, sure, but it's nothing like what you'd dreamed. And you're left to wonder what it would have been like if you'd left the box alone until the appointed time.

Life is a complicated haze of preemptive indigestion.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to just give it up and quit the stupid school thing.

You guys have no idea how awesome it is to get to lead a group of young people in worship once a week.

I have a watch. It's really nice. All the guys in my youth group envy it, although only Aaron is willing to admit it.

Some Christians say that even if we were wrong in what we believe and there was no God and death was the very end, we would still be on the right side because Christians live the happiest lives. I say, balderdash. The Apostle Paul said, if our belief in a resurrection is false, "we are to be pitied above all men." If Jesus did not rise from the dead, there is no hope, all is vanity, period.

"Oh God, bless us. Yea, even curse us. But please be not silent!"

The term "Jesus Freak" used to be a way of insulting Christians. Then a little band called dc Talk turned it around and made it cool. But do you claim it, and if so, do you live up to the title?

There ain't no disguising the truth...Truth can be suppressed, but it cannot be silenced. We get down on Pilate, but he asked the right question; he just didn't wait around for the answer. "What is Truth?"

What will you do for Christ? What will you NOT do for Him?

We did film Saturday, and I am tired

Exclusive screenshots from Saturday, just 'cause I can:

Saturday was a good day of filming. Didn't get everything we'd wanted to get, but I think we got about as much as we could reasonably expect. The morning stuff was nice, because in the three separate major scenes we filmed, I could give my actors the script and tell them to start working on it, and then go off and figure out locations and shot setup with my lovely favorite assistant director. Once we made our plan and got back, the actors would be ready to go, and we could go out and film it. Very nice...

We finally finished the climactic scene of the film, on our third day of shooting it (not that we took all day on it for any of those three days, of course). I'm pretty happy with it. Hopefully you will be too, when you see it, whatever it may contain.

Right now I'm plumb tuckered out, as we say in Arkansas; looking forward to catching about nine hours worth of sleep before embarking on the new week. Fortunately I have nothing due tomorrow and I actually got some work done for Tuesday tonight. So we'll see how I do. My bride-to-be is convinced that I'm already getting too stretched, after one week of working the new job. I certainly hope not.

I guess, since it's past midnight and that was my projected bedtime, I'll get off here and get in bed. I really do want to post something a bit more thoughtful and creative on this thing at some point. Right now, with school and work and church and sleep, it's hard to find the time. But I guess that's okay. As long as I don't get too stretched, right, darling? God will provide for me, I have no doubts there.

Want to thank you guys again just for your prayers and your support, because I know I've got both. I never had particularly wanted to blog for very long before I got this one, but I've really enjoyed writing on it and I've enjoyed reading as much as reasonably possible of you guys' blogs. None as much as my Sunshine Princess, though; sorry. I just really like the way she writes. Maybe since I like her writing so much (and she apparently likes mine; or at least, so I've heard), we should get married. D'ya think?

OK, yeah, I know, I'm officially awful, and I officially don't care. At least I'm fairly coherent, as opposed to my previous post. Anyways, happy sledding, don't let the bedbugs bite, and may the stars of Elbereth shine upon you! And Lana, I love you, my dearest!

My darling princess, and, my second day of work

Hello everyone,

First off, please pray for Lana and myself. Last week I was the one with a dilemma to resolve; this week it's my sunshine princess. I'll let her tell you more about it if she chooses, but basically it's an opportunity for her that has some definite pros and cons that need to be weighed. I honestly don't have a clue about what to do right now; I'm glad we have wise parents who can give us godly advice, and I know that God will lead us to the right decision. But we really need your prayers.

I love her so much and I am so proud of her. She wondered tonight why I'm proud of her, when she's struggling with this issue. Oh, darling, do you want me to start trying to list all the ways you make me proud? I would have no clue where to begin; I could talk about the way you love and support me, the way you love and support your family, your hard work for school, your passion for Christ, your example to fellow believers (me, first and foremost, but also others), just the fact that you're drop-dead gorgeous and look good no matter what you're wearing or how much sleep you're riding . . . uh, yeah, I guess that's the beginning of a general list of sorts. But hopefully, at least for now, you get the point.

...

Second day of work is in the books, and it went more smoothly than the first one. Yesterday I had so much stuff to take in; today I've got most of it down (I think), so I can focus on actually doing the job. And it's not too bad, thus far. Parts of it I enjoyed, parts I didn't enjoy, but boy did it feel good to get to the end of my shift, log out of everything, and call my bride-to-be. Now I've got some homework to do, and then maybe I'll have a bit of free time before bed.

Free time is good; I can't survive without having at least a bit of it every now and then. Of course, I'm having to make do with considerably less than I'm used to, but it's cool; had to do it at some point, and this is as good a time as any.

Well ladies and gents, I'm gonna bounce, take a shower, do said homework, e-mail my princess, and maybe go to bed here in a little while. Shalom out, my Hebrew homies. I love you, Lana, and I'm proud of you, and don't you forget it.

The first day is over...

Just a quick post; I know, I know, Lana, I need to go to bed rather badly, but I wanted to post real quick.

First day of the job, well, kinda overwhelming, lots of information to take in, but I got through it, and it'll only get easier from here, though maybe not instantly. It feels good to be working a full-time job that pays really well and (hopefully) takes me one step closer to being able to marry the girl of my dreams.

I missed Lana so badly today. We're used to me getting to sneak up on her on the second floor of the library and surprise her in the midst of her studious concentration. Today was the first day in my time as a college student that I've missed class, but the only thing that really mattered was missing Lana. Fortunately, by God's grace, I get to go to class tomorrow, which means that I get to be with her from 9:15 am to 2 pm. I am so unspeakably blessed to have her.

All right, I'll get off and go to bed now, but I wanted to thank you guys for your prayers, and thank you, Brannan, for referring me and encouraging me. Above all, thank you, my Lana Marie, for being my beautiful help-meet, and farther above still, thank You, my Lord and Father, for the unmerited favor You lavishly bestow on me. I am Yours.

Video reactions, and, a new job!

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the exclusive first-time-on-planet-Earth Hunted previews. I definitely enjoyed putting them together and letting you see them. It's really exciting to have something official, something anybody can see; it encourages me since the film is a long way from being finished. Anyways, thank you for all the nice comments; I really appreciate them.

As Meggy noted in the comment section, we've got a few more videos (unrelated to Hunted) over on YouTube. I hope to put many more on there. You can find our official channel at www.youtube.com/hobbbottomfilms. Right now, in addition to the two Hunted vids, we have posted the short "Silent Movie" starring Daniel and Trevor, as well as the "Woe-Be-Gone" commercial starring Trevor and the other Daniel from our youth group.

I think YouTube is way cool; it provides us with an awesome opportunity to let lots of people know about the film. Please, if you know anyone who you think would like the movie (based on what little you know about it, anyway), send them a link to the YouTube videos.

And now for the actual subject of this post. I have a job. A new job, at any rate. I'm still really not totally sure how it came about, but I know it's an opportunity that God has given me, so I'm really thankful for it.

Our friend and former homeschooler Brannan gave a comment on one of my posts from last week, telling me about a job opening in the company she works for. I applied for the job, did a writing test, and got accepted!

So what is this job, anyway? Well, it's for a group called On Point Advocacy. They are involved in political grassroots activism. Basically, my job as an "Advocacy Coordinator" (sounds spiffy, don't it?) is to be given a particular issue (like fuel economy standards or something boring like that, for example), call voters who have expressed interest in the issue, and ask them if they'd like me to write a letter to Congress on their behalf about the issue. Then I write the letter, assuming they want me to. It's a bit more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it.

I'm not totally excited about the phone aspect of it (I'll take writing over talking any day), but the pay is very good and it has a lot more hours than my previous job. And I get to set them as I want, within certain boundaries. So that's really nice.

I start next week, and I don't know whether I'll like it or not, but I'm excited because it's an opportunity that God "dropped in [my] lap", as my future father-in-law put it. Hopefully, it brings me another step closer to the day when I'll be ready to provide for myself and Lana financially. And that, as you may imagine, is really exciting. Thank You, Lord, for giving this to me!

So I ask you to please pray for me as I start this job, and continue to pray for me and Lana as we continue on the path God has laid out for us. I could not make it without her, by the way. Even though we're not married yet, she is fulfilling her calling as a help-meet to me, and I thank God so much for her. I can't even describe how much it means to have her with me, helping me, loving me, praying for me, telling me she's proud of me; you guys'll have to discover it when you find your future spouse. I love you so much, Lana.

Being a Subcreator

Sometimes I wonder what to say in my blog posts. It often feels as if I don't really have anything new -- God is awesome, I'm in love with Lana, school is school, Hunted is still going, church is good . . . ahem, uh, new stuff, please?

It's an issue for me as an artist, too, because as Solomon so aptly put it, "There is nothing new under the sun." I recently saw the first forty minutes of The Matrix in my theater class. The story of that wildly popular film has been touted as fresh, outside-the-box, mindblowing -- but its world-that's-not-real concept dates back to ancient Greek philosophy. Even J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, one of the most powerfully original and inventive masterpieces the English language has ever seen, uses a variety of plot points that date back for centuries.

But maybe what matters is not the originality of the content as much as how it's presented. George Lucas' Star Wars used archetypes as old as storytelling itself -- the young dreamer with high destiny (Luke Skywalker), the old man serving as mentor (Obi-Wan Kenobi), the damsel in distress (Princess Leia), the rogue adventurer (Han Solo), the ruthless villain (Darth Vader), etc. But it reframed those character types, often putting a new spin on them, in a story that came off as completely fresh and memorable.

So back to me: I seek to tell stories. Great stories, bold stories, revolutionary stories that impact the reader and point to Christ. But I've gotta be realistic. I know there's only so many ways I can portray my hero (or whatever character), and most of them have been done before, many times. But whether I use one of the old methods or try to spin up something new on my own, I'm seeking a unique portrayal, and one that's my own.

And to me, that's the key. Does the fact that my story may not be that original after all make me want to toss up my hands and just start stealing ideas? No, it really makes me want to work harder to achieve a high level of storytelling. My story won't have any revolutionary themes, but I can frame those themes in a way that no one has ever done before.

The very idea of doing that strikes a chord in me. I don't know if you writers out there feel it too, but it cuts to the heart of what I want to be as an artist. I want to tell fresh, exciting stories that bring a smile to my Creator's face and point people to Him. And I pray that the very first person who gets pointed to God through my stories will be their author.

Ultimately, the reason none of our stories will ever be really new is that God has already created all. He is the Master of all storytelling, and all of our tales are ultimately derived from his epic True Myth. What is the True Myth, you ask? Well, it's a phrase coined by Tolkien (when he was witnessing to an atheist friend named C. S. Lewis, incidentally) to describe the Gospel story of Christ. I would stretch it to include the entire story of God's redemption of man, which means that it's everything that's ever happened and ever will happen. It truly is your story and my story, in addition to being Adam's story, and Noah's story, and Peter's and Paul's and Martin Luther's and Mother Teresa's and Billy Graham's. We are all a vital part of His story.

So when we seek to tell our own made-up stories, the beautiful word that describes it is subcreation. I, the man, seek to tell my tales and craft my art, but it is ultimately derived from and subordinate to my Heavenly Father and the Story that He continues to unfold.

I love being a subcreator under You the ultimate Creator, Father. Praise You for the gift of story You have given to mankind. May we use it for Your glory.

While you're waiting...

Well, here I go again. I started a post with some big ideas, and found myself unable to finish it to my satisfaction before I leave work. That makes two now; maybe, just maybe, I'll get them done and posted next week. I hope.

The thought currently occupying my mind: Bloom where you're planted. A crass, cliched way to put a biblical truth, the truth that God wants you to follow Him and to take joy, no matter what your situation.

Today a friend of mine told Lana and me to enjoy our courtship time, because "that's the best time of your life." He said that when you get married, everything is so much harder. I'm sure that's true, but I honestly don't care, because I love Lana and if there's anything I want to do with the life God has given me, it's marrying her.

So yeah, I kinda begged to differ with his implication that being married is somehow not as good as the time beforehand (to represent him fairly, he did say that marriage is awesome, just that it's so much harder). But it got me thinking about the entire issue of being in different situations. I do need to enjoy this time of courtship with Lana; it won't last forever.

My time as a single is already complete, gone, finis. And now that it's over, I wouldn't want to get it back for anything, but that's certainly a sobering thought. Makes me want to encourage you readers out there to use your time as a single for God, as Paul admonishes us in 1 Corinthians. To me, one of the worst things about dating (and there are many bad things about it) is that it takes away that blessed time of singleness from young men and women. When you're dating, you're not married, but you still have a lot of time monopolized by another person; it's essentially the worst of both worlds. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, read 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.

So I want to enjoy this time that God has given me to court my beloved Lana; one day this time will be over and our time of marriage will begin. If you're single and just champing at the bit to find that special someone, I encourage you to wait patiently. God will fulfill that dream in His own time; in the meantime, He has great things for you as a single. Don't get so caught up in the longing to find a mate that you miss out on what He's doing in your life right now. And just don't wait on your mate; while you're waiting, let God use you in mighty ways, ways that won't be possible when you're married.

As I look back on my time as a single, I know I was not perfect, in purity or in any other area. Yet I think that, for the most part, because I committed not to date or to give any part of myself to a girl, God was able to use me in ways that simply would not have been possible otherwise. It scares me to think of how many Christian young people limit God's work in their lives by pursuing romance before His time. Don't make that mistake; use your time as a single for His glory.

Kudos to my movie people!

Currently trying to get a Saturday filming schedule together. Yes, believe it or not, we really are still working on this movie. I'm proud of my people and the job they've done thus far, and I think we're all gonna be pleased with the outcome, if for no other reason than that there is an outcome.

Thoughts on those who have been an integral part:
Lana - Yeah, did you really think I was gonna mention somebody else first? Not an exaggeration to say that without her, there would be no movie; and most of her contributions came before our courtship began. She was one of my chief sounding boards for ideas in pre-production, did way more script-critiquing than anyone else, and tossed out a bunch of ideas herself. She knew that she'd be playing Leslie, one of the biggest roles in the film, but had no idea that her job description would also include makeup artist, co-director of photography, co-production designer, and assistant director. She has truly been a shieldmaiden on this project, doing all of her jobs spectacularly, helping to give things some semblance of organization, and constantly encouraging and being there for me. I love you, darling, and I cannot thank God enough for the job you have done on this film.

Daniel - My little brother (he's still my little brother for the time being since I have a couple inches on him, though that could change in the next few years) was the first to share the Hunted dream, way back in summer 2005. His slavemaster boss has prevented him from being on location as much as he's wanted to, but he's done a good job as 1st assistant director when available. He also spearheads the film's comic relief by playing wacky woodsman Shawn. Incidentally, guess who can only do filming for half the day on Saturday because he has to go mow lawns? ;-)

Hannah - If anyone has cause to complain about their part in the project, it's probably my sister. That's because she never thought she was even going to have a part in it, and I never counted on us needing her. But she's been a crucial part, doing a lot of our camera and boom operating. Sometimes she gets frustrated by having to run the camera with four crazy losers and Lana in front of it; but she has done a yeoman's job and deserves a gold medal for her patient, steady effort. Snaps for you, sis!

Trevor - It simply wouldn't be right to make a movie like this without the T-Rev Meister's involvement. He and Daniel and I have filmed a lot of really bad video together; hopefully Hunted doesn't quite fall under that classification. Trevor has always been a great actor with a natural instinct as a filmmaker. His main official contribution to Hunted is the part of Ryan, who's a bit more straight-laced than most of T-Rev's previous characters (like Fred in the play It Happened At Ernie's). But he's also helped in a number of small ways behind the camera. Finally, he has the irritating ability to memorize his lines with little effort, while the rest of us are still squinting at the pages and going over a scene for the umpteenth time.

Dusty - Our fearless youth group leader brings his skills to the big screen as Clyde, the villainous elder brother of Eric and leader of the Adams County Gang. Dusty's done an outstanding job thus far in his acting and has been able to help a bit behind the scenes, though not as much as he'd like. By the way, what was I thinking when I cast him and Chris in parts that have them interacting with each other on screen a lot?

Chris - See previous entry. Chris has struck exactly the chord I was looking for in his part as Carl, Clyde's sidekick. Both of these guys have had limited time in filming but have hit home runs in their acting roles thus far. They've also been very supportive and patient with me as I continually make filming plans and then change them. Thanks a ton, dogs.

Tara - You can count her the second member of the "Younger Sisters of Key Players Who Never Thought They'd Be So Crucial To This Movie" club. And yes, I know that phrase is technically unclear, but you know what I'm talking about. Anyways, Tara has found herself following Hannah around a lot as an operator of our boom (the microphone carrier, basically). Both of them have been troopers, although Tara seems to have found a niche for going to sleep in the midst of late filming nights; she's done it both times we had to stay out late. Sheesh, who sleeps at 2 in the morning, anyway?

Tony - Maybe we should change the name to the "Younger SIBLINGS of Key Players Who Never Thought They'd Etc." club. As the younger brother of our sunshine princess, Ton' never thought he'd get plunged into one of the key acting roles in the movie, that of the other wacky woodsman, Travis. But of course, a story's not a good story unless it involves some character or other getting plunged into something unexpected. So there we go. At any rate, Tony has come on at the eleventh hour and acquitted himself extremely well in front of the camera. I particularly like his petrified intensity during the scary story scene.

James - Being called on to play a henchman who serves under the likes of Clyde and Carl is no small thing. James has amply handled his role thus far and even brought a nice unexpected spin to some of his scenes. Of course, out of all our cast, he has the biggest problem finishing a scene (a scene, say I? Nay, rather a line) without bursting into voluminous laughter. But we still love him anyway.

Josh - An imposing demeanor and experience as a bad guy in the Easter program (playing a Roman soldier there; Dusty and James have also done this many times in the past) make Josh an ideal choice for the tough-guy role of Dirk, another henchman. He's only had one filming day so far, but Lord willing that will change on Saturday. Daniel is on record multiple times as saying that he's not looking forward to shooting at Josh with a paintball gun (oh wait, did I just give away a plot spoiler?).

So, is that the team? Well, most of the prominent ones, anyway. But of course, we could not do it without our location providers: Tim and Susie (my parents), Tyler and Tracy (Lana's; even though we haven't actually filmed anything at their house, our film crew has received their hospitality), Clinton and Lichea (Trevor's parents), Dusty and Amanda, Wayne and Georgia, Jordan, and of course my dear Gramma and Papa.

And the list is still not complete; hopefully the credits will be. As we (Lord willing) wind down to the end, at last, of the production process, I want to thank all those who have helped us on this film. And thanks as well to people like Meggy and Emy and many others who have encouraged us and prayed for us. You guys rock my face off.

Most of all, thanks to the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows, and from whom come all good things. We love You and pray that this movie glorifies Your Name, our God!

And that's all for this week, folks. Don't anticipate another post from this quarter till Monday. As always, please pray for our Saturday filming plans, that God's will is done. Namarie!

Another short one

Not time to chat again, I'm afraid. Sad how that works. I am, however, working on another post that has me pretty excited, but that one must await completion.

Today another good day. Lana and I once again experienced God's lavishing of love on us, and grew closer together. I don't know how God does it, but I praise Him for it.

School just may be getting extremely crazy; I'm not sure. At any rate, I've got a variety of things to work on for different classes, and hopefully I'll be able to get a lion's share knocked out this evening. School rocks my face off -- though I don't particularly enjoy it. Any of you guys identify with that paradox?

For now, well, thank God for life, love, and the pursuit of happiness that can only be found in Him. You are worthy, my Lord and God, of everything I have. Praise You. To my beloved Lana, thank you for talking to me today and letting God use you; I love you and could not stop thanking Him for you even if I wanted to. You truly are my sunshine.

Put your hope in God

What an awesome God we serve. Great is His Name, and greatly to be praised. Not to us, oh Lord, not to us, but to Your Name be the glory.

I don't want to tell you guys too much because you don't need to know. But suffice it to say that Lana and I were going through a really tough time last night and this morning, and God brought us through it in an amazing way.

She skipped lunch today to spend time in the Word and in prayer, and invited me to join her. Of course I wanted to be there for her sake, but I didn't anticipate the work God was going to do in me.

Having gotten out of class before me, she had already been spending time with God for a while when I got there. I sat down beside her, feeling as miserable as I had -- well, as I had for a while already that day.

After a while, Lana started humming -- bless her wonderful propensity for humming and singing; I couldn't have married a girl who wasn't like that! -- and the song was "As the Deer", based of course on Psalm 42, which I have previously referenced on this blog. The Psalm was already on my mind from yesterday, when I read from it during our morning worship at church. But as I began to read it now -- along with Psalm 43, the two Psalms having originally been together as one -- I don't know. It's difficult to explain. I have identified with so many of the Psalms at various times, but I've never had the feeling that I could have written one of them word for word, that the connection between it and me would be that strong.

Well, this morning I felt like I could have written Psalms 42 and 43. I won't post them here, though I encourage you to look them up yourself. But the key verse, which is repeated twice, is 42:5: "Why are you downcast, my soul? Why so troubled within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." I have identified with those words so many times, but have never felt them burning in my core as they now did. The Psalmist knew the answer to the questions he was asking in this passage, and so did I. "Put your hope in God..."

I did exactly that, and began to feel the burden lifting off my shoulders. In its place, a nearly manic joy. I had gone from being depressed to being happy in a matter of moments, all because of the amazing Word of God.

I joked to Lana later that I had learned two things today (neither of them in class, incidentally, but that's a part of the joke that only she would fully get): God is awesome and the Bible is true. Seems elementary, basic, milk-type stuff, doesn't it? But we can't truly comprehend how correct those two statements are. This very day, many people doubtless considered them, assented, and yawned; I found a new sense of awe and a new depth in my relationship with my heavenly Father. And for that I thank Him.

That's not the whole story, of course; the experience also inspired a series of thoughts about the divine art of life that will probably make it to a CtB article in the future. And I'll leave it to Lana to tell you, if she desires, what God did for her. But for now, I want to tell you, again: God is awesome and the Bible is true. Two little facts; eight words; the capacity to forever alter your life.

So, discussion time: the Psalms. Do you read them a lot? Do you closely identify with any (or all) of them? Which ones are your favorites and why? Have you tried praying them? Are there any that you find hard to understand or hard to reconcile with faith in God? Let us discuss.

Staying Off the Escalator (till then)

DISCLAIMER: My bride-to-be, under the suggestion of my future mother-in-law, said that maybe I should make some statement about my always writing and publishing my posts from work; some might misunderstand and think that I am clandestinely breaking the rules. I certainly don't want you to think that, so let me clarify by telling you that my job is patently of the desk nature. As an authorized agent (basically a sales/customer service representative), I get to sit at a desk in a comfortable chair in an air-conditioned room, with high-speed Internet. When I don't have customers, as has especially often been the case lately, I usually have free reign and am thus able to do fun stuff like post on my blog.

OK, now I can really begin the post.

It's a strange experience, being in love. I didn't expect my feelings for Lana to intensify at the rate they have in the nineteen days since I declared myself to her; they have. I expected us, of course, to grow closer together, but not like we have. She was already my best friend and had been for a long time; we had already achieved a high level of platonic intimacy. But now we truly are growing as close to one another as two humans can, though not of course on a physical level.

And the physical restraint has a beauty that the world simply cannot match. There's something special about waiting to share that first kiss until your wedding day. More than that, we have decided not even to hold hands -- for now, and maybe all the way up to the wedding.

The world would look at that and declare its ludicrosity. "How can you say you truly love each other and yet not kiss or even hold hands?" I think even the vast majority of Christians would say that we're going too far.

But we are not practicing restraint for restraint's sake. We do not believe kissing and holding hands are wrong; they are, on the contrary, part of a glorious landscape for displaying romantic affection, designed by God our Father. We fully believe that He means for us to enjoy those actions freely -- one day.

But we aren't married yet; we have not yet become one flesh. And so we have chosen to avoid hand-holding for the simple reason that it is dangerous. Why is it so? Because God never designed man and woman to stop at hand-holding in the ladder of physical intimacy. A ladder, in fact, is a misleading analogy, because with a ladder you can get on and off at your leisure. It's more like an escalator; when you get on it, it's designed to take you to the next floor. You can still get off with some effort, but the further you go, the harder it becomes to stop it from taking you upwards.

Hope that illustration makes sense to you. Because of the danger, Lana and I have chosen not to step onto the escalator. Is it hard to maintain that, being as in love with one another as we are? Absolutely. But I think it's so much easier than it would be if we decided to jump on and just try to stay on a low level.

So, again, we don't think that physical intimacy is wrong; it's a blessing from God. And we love Him and one another enough to wait to hop on that escalator until we're allowed to go all the way to the top. I know, because I know God and because of what He has done thus far in this relationship, that it will be far more than worth the wait.