Back from the dead, and, living passionately

Crazy, crazy weekend. I think I'm about recovered from it now, though a good night's sleep tonight will help.

I'll try to give full-fledged production updates again at some point soon, but at the moment there's simply too much to tell. I'll try to give you some information.

Friday night. Filming after dark, trying to get two campsites finished (there are three in the film; the first one we did two weeks ago, as you'll remember from my production updates). Dark is, oh, about 9:00, say. We had to wait on Daniel, who had had to work every day of the week, and who was also going to pick up Tony. They pulled in at about 10:30.

Ouch. Already an hour and a half behind, right out of the gate. By the time Daniel had showered and we finished applying makeup and studying script and got out to the location to film, it was midnight.

Tip for budding filmmakers: If you can help it, don't ever start shooting at midnight. If you finish at midnight, that's okay, but it's not fun to begin and know that the clock already reads AM.

Five and a half hours later, after multiple delays (which were pretty much beyond our control), we finally picked up our stuff and pulled out. Yup, you've got that right, 5:30 am.

Incidentally, the most beautiful part of the day begins at about 5:30. Lying in a sleeping bag on the ground, facing the lightening sky, trying to decide whether to get my two hours of sleep or just stay awake through the whole thing, I was awestruck. It's such a gorgeous sight as the light continues to creep into the sky, the stars slowly disappearing. I felt like I was in some movie. Or like I had just finished filming part of one.

In the morning, we had three more scenes to do. Feeling pretty miserable (at least, I was; I don't know about everyone else, but I can pretty much guess), we got them done and pulled out for home.

All in all, I was happy with the weekend. I felt like we were able to buckle down and work hard and together. We weren't perfect, but you're not going to be when it's late at night (or is it that early in the morning?). I was proud of my fellow troopers, all sibling pairs: Daniel and Hannah (who are of course my own siblings), Lana and Tony, Trevor and Tara. They faced a night even more difficult than the last night shoot we did, never complained, worked hard, and got stuff accomplished. I will definitely do my best to think of an appropriate way to honor them when we get to the end of this whole thing. "Good times gravy."

Sunday was a difficult day. There were classes to teach, songs to lead, lessons to prepare, band practices to conduct, slideshows to run; and I wasn't running on a full tank. At several points during the day I responded with anger and frustration, then had to ask God to forgive me and help me.

And now? Well, it never rains but it pours, as they say in Bree. In the next two weeks, I've got a magazine, a movie, and a youth event to work on. School starts a week from today. Work. Church. Other things in my personal life.

But I'm kinda looking forward to it. Some fun stuff coming up. When I get engulfed in the sea's depths, I simply have to suck in the water and trust God to allow me to breath it. He always does.

One thing I've kinda rediscovered (by the grace of God) in the last couple of months is how exhilarating life truly is. When you give your everything to the Giver of life and put your trust in Him, He makes everything that much more fun. And I guess that last statement is an unconscious paraphrase of Matthew 6:33: "Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Not that I have done that perfectly, or anywhere close to perfectly. I have still messed up, still failed, still rebelled, in ways that shame me. If I were in my Heavenly Father's shoes, looking down at my life, I would probably be continually yelling, "Why can't you get it?" Thankfully, He continues to show grace and mercy to me beyond what I deserve.

And so yeah, life is fun. It can be kinda cool to put stuff in God's hands, not having any idea how He's going to work it out. Hunted, for example. Will we even have filming done by the end of September? I have no idea. But I know it belongs to God, and He's going to work it out the way He sees fit -- which is infinitely better than any plan I could conceive.

One of my goals is that throughout my life, from youth to old age if God allows me that long, I would live passionately. Passionate people change the world. Passionate people experience true happiness and fulfillment. Passionate people don't just say they know, they truly do know that nothing is too big for the God they serve. Passionate people inspire others to be passionate. Passionate people don't get hung up on the little things of life, but focus on stuff like faith and hope and love, and let that filter through into the little things. Passionate people are fun to be around. Passionate people get movies made about them.

Not that I want a movie made of my life. And not that I can say all of those things about myself, even though I am trying to live passionately. But there are so many people on this earth who don't live passionately, and it shows. They may not have a care in the world, but they also don't have anything genuine to care about. They may never try to do something big and fail, but that's because they will never try anything big in the first place. They may never have their hearts broken, but that's because they're unwilling to allow their hearts to love. They risk nothing and gain nothing; they put nothing in and get the same thing out.

Life is not about money. It's not about cars or clothes or sports or music or even church or family. No, I think when it all boils down, life is about passion. A passion for the Creator that fills everything else we do.

If you have that, you are a shining star in His universe, and you will find happiness because you're seeking it in the right place. If you don't have it, no matter how many other great and wonderful things may be in your life, they count for nothing.

Well, I could keep going, but I'll stop for now, though I daresay I feel a magazine article coming out of this. But it's 6:00 and time for me to leave work. Till tomorrow.