I Feel Good (NA-na-NA-na-NA-na-NA)

Last night, I found out that my plans for this weekend had been utterly crushed. Crumpled up into a little ball and tossed into the trash can. Not what I was wanting to hear.

These weren't the oh-here's-what-I'll-probably-do-if-I-have-time-and-don't-just-decide-to-sit-at-home-and-read-a-book type plans; these were the life-or-death-and-i-can-already-sense-suffocation-setting-in-if-they-fall-through type plans. Uh, yeah.

Our movie is far behind schedule. We were hoping to have the filming finished by the end of July. It's August 7th, and we're only approximately halfway done. We had planned to get some major stuff done on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday -- to the tune of 10-12 scenes.

And I found out last night that we wouldn't be able to do it. And I found out this morning that the next weekend was not an option for our Friday-Saturday stuff.

Sometimes I wonder if God has any purpose for this movie beyond making it an exercise in trust. I know He does, but so far He indeed has used it as a major test of my faith. I failed it initially. When my brother broke the news to me last night, I was hopping mad. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened, and it very well may not be the last.

But today I have realized again that God is the one who crumpled up my plans and threw them in the trash can. It was His plan, His perfect will, for me to have my weekend plans fall through. It was always His plan, and He's not one bit worried or concerned or angry because He knows exactly what He's doing, and it's far better than what I try to do. Makes it kinda hard to complain, huh?

The weekend fall-through is, of course, not the end of the world. Or even the end of the movie. There are other options, other ways, other paths, and somehow we'll still get this thing done. If it's God's will.

After discussing the failed plans with my parents, I went into my room for my daily quiet time. My reading just "happened" to be Philippians 2; this made it very difficult to focus inward (try reading it sometime and then focusing on yourself; it's hard). Then I remembered a passage that my dad had referenced in a sermon several weeks ago, one that I had reread and found especially applicable to my own life. I read it again, and was struck once again by the clear fact that God wrote it for me. It's Psalm 37 if you want to go check it out, which I recommend.

Verses 23 and 24 were especially poignant:
A man's steps are established by the Lord, and He takes pleasure in his way.
Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, because the Lord holds his hand.

How cool is it to have "the King of the universe hold your hand", as a song by Pocket Full of Rocks says? Those verses lifted me up, gave me a firm swat on the bottom, and made me feel better; you usually do after a spanking.

Then I talked to Lana about the filming ordeal. She was such an encouragement, taking the news calmly (unlike me), helping me look through options, and voicing encouragement. The combined effort of my quiet time and my friend made it impossible for me to feel bad anymore.

Nope, by the grace of God, I'm hoppin' HAPPY! It was such a weird feeling as I got off the phone with her, because I knew it was a happiness that didn't come from myself. I had given the movie completely to God, letting Him know that He can do with it what He wants. If He doesn't want it finished, that's okay with me, because it's what He wants.

Not that I really believe He doesn't want us to finish it. It would be a hard pill to swallow if He gave it to me. But ultimately, if He were to tell me that, I'd be torn up, but it'd be all right, because He's in control.

I feel like singing. Ah, maybe not "I Feel Good" (the title of this post), but perhaps one of the new songs we'll be playing at Fan the Flame. Part of it goes:
God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
No matter what the world throws at me now
It's gonna be all right
'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His Word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

Yeah, baby! Do we serve an awesome God, or what? Hey, please come to FtF on August 25, because you're gonna hear one pumped-up dude leading the songs! God is awesome! I feel good and I'm praising Him!