CtB, and please pray for Lana

Well, it's Friday of Christmas week; the break is now halfway over and school will be back to smack in the face before I know it. Today I'm planning on editing some Hunted footage and working on articles for the next issue of CtB. Yes indeed, CtB is alive and well, and while our Jan/Feb 08 issue will probably get out rather late, it will come if the Lord wills. You can send in your submissions to calltobattle@mail.com; as always, we can't promise to print them, but we definitely welcome whatever you'd like to send.

Please keep praying for my Lana Marie; she's been feeling really bad the last few days. Worse than usual, which is saying something considering that she's been sick for months and months. Very possibly she may have caught something extra from Tony, who may have gotten it from me, and I may have gotten it from...never mind. That doesn't matter. Just please pray for her faithfully. She's been studying for two CLEP tests and thus has gotten basically no Christmas break, which doesn't help at all when you're trying to feel better. She probably won't be able to work on CtB much at all this time. Anyways, pray, please.

Well, better go so I can start writing. Hope all of my readers are having a wonderful holiday season and that God pours out His blessings on you as you look to begin a new year. For now, namarie!

MY priceless treasure and her favorite Christmas present

Yeah, I know, you can't see it really well. But there's my lovely fiancee with her lovely diamond ring. Lily doesn't look very happy in that particular pic, but I think she's dealing with the title change well, overall. Pretty amazing to think that she probably won't be able to remember a time when her big sister wasn't married to that Luke guy.

EDIT: Oh, I just realized, after viewing an enlarged version of the pic (click on the pic to see it MUCH bigger, though the ring still isn't that clear, sadly), Lily's not crying; she's chewing on the Snickers bar Josi gave me.

A Title Change

Well, Merry Christmas to all; hope you had a great one. I know I did.

Not the least because there has been a title change. Again. Not a status change, mind you. But a title change. You may, very shortly, find out a bit more about that by heading over to my FIANCEE's blog.

Here's to romance. And Christmas is good too.

The Sickies, and Being Ready

Well, the sickies finally caught up with me. You can only elude their grasp for so long. I've had some fever the last couple of days, a bit of a sore throat, and some congestion of the nasal cavity. It wasn't a bad time to be sick, because it forced me to get some rest. At least, it wasn't a bad time until today; I was supposed to go with Lana's family to a Christmas get-together with her dad's family, and I had to miss it. Really wanted to go, and I know they wanted me to as well...:-(

But that's the hand that God's dealt me. So today I've been working this afternoon to get ready for the Christmas musical endeavour at our church tomorrow night. I think it's gonna be pretty neat. Unfortunately my darling is going to have to miss it because of family stuff; my Lana, we really must talk sometime and figure out whether it would work to marry each other. ;-) The courtship period is hard because we're so in love and so connected and emotionally intimate, and yet there's still a feeling of disjointedness. I haven't yet left my father and mother to cleave to her and become one flesh with her, and so we're apart. While courtship is a blast, I'm glad this isn't as far as it goes.

And I know that being married will be hard, in different ways. It'll be our family, our household, forming our own identity. (We've talked a little about that, but it probably wouldn't help you to share what we discussed.) We'll have new responsibilities, new difficulties, and of course new joys.

It's scary, and exciting. I marvel at what God has done in our lives (particularly in mine, I suppose, since I'm the one living it) to bring us closer to marriage. Six months ago, even though I knew who I was going to marry, marriage seemed distant, a dream still a long time from fulfillment. Even after I began courting Lana, I figured there would be a lengthy time before we got married. And even after I started hoping and thinking about this coming summer for our union, I still wasn't ready in a lot of ways, still needed to grow up and mature and sort through the emotions.

Am I ready now? Of course, I think that in a sense, I always have been and never will be. In different ways, of course. But that sidesteps the question: Am I ready?

Only God knows. I think so. I hope so. But I don't know. And at this point, I don't think the issue is about me being ready or Lana being ready. The issue is: Are we ready?

And I want us to be. I want it so bad. Right now I'm in the position of praying, and studying, and seeking counsel, and having to rely on God that we'll make the right decision. I find myself in that spot a lot, and I don't always handle it like I should. Somehow He still shows me His grace; He still blesses me with an amazing bride-to-be and two awesome parents and two wonderful parents-in-law(-to-be). And He still guides me down paths of righteousness, for His Name's sake.

Most of you my readers (at least, the ones that post comments; I don't know how many lurkers are out there) aren't yet in the position of having to make decisions like these. That's a good thing. But again, let me urge you to use your time as a single to draw near to God, and to prepare for marriage. The decisions -- who you'll marry, when you'll marry, where you'll live, how you'll earn money, etc. -- will still loom large one day, but you'll have trained so that you can tackle them head-on.

Above all, remember: It all comes down to His grace. What a great and glorious God we serve!

Honor

By popular request...at least, it's a popular request if SHE requests it. ;-)

This was my familiar essay for Advanced Composition, a class that I took LAST SEMESTER (HA!).

It goes out of its way to explain at least a few things that you already know, but my writing teacher didn't know them, so I put them in there. I'm sure you won't mind hearing them again.

I would like to dedicate it to my editor, who is the most beautiful editor I ever met and who provided needed help in improving this paper. I think I'd like to marry her, actually. I wonder if it's okay to have that kind of relationship with your editor...


Honor

In an age where sensuality rules, the old concept of honorable romance has been all but abandoned. Rampant dating has made us break all the rules that used to hold for love – and to be proud about it. There’s no respect for parents, no respect for a girl’s heart, certainly no respect for her body. Honor, the idea of truly respecting another person and putting her before yourself, is a thing of the past. Once upon a time, a girl could hold out hope that her date wouldn’t kiss her on their first time out. Now most guys want to do nothing but find a bed, and aren’t afraid to get down to business about it. It’s an age of STIs, of date rape, and of broken homes before and after sex.

But somewhere on this earth, honor is alive and well. Somewhere a guy respects a girl and loves her enough to wait – not merely for sex, but for his love to be returned. Somewhere the world is screaming “foul”, wondering what he’s thinking, why he doesn’t just peel off her clothes and be done with it, or at least hold her hand. Welcome to my love story.

Thursday, August 23, 2007. A warm evening but not hot, few bugs, clear sky. A perfect night, all in all, I thought, as I stood on the property of the Loukota family just outside Van Buren. They had been my good friends for several years, and now they, and their daughter in particular, were about to become so much more. I knew that, and they knew that; she didn’t, and it was our job to surprise her in storybook fashion.

We had set a clever trap, the parents and I. While the original plan was mine, it was woefully inadequate. Tyler and Tracy helped me to crank up the romance scale and turn this night into one that Lana Marie Loukota and I would never forget.

Picnic table out by the Loukotas’ pond, set with a blue checkered tablecloth that just happened to match my shirt. Candles floating, that’s right, floating, on the pond; hanging from tree branches around; adorning the table. A bottle of the tastiest grape juice I have ever put in my mouth. And a perfect hiding place about seventy feet away, where I could lie in wait for my beloved.

We had tossed around a couple different contrivances for getting Lana out there. Tyler finally decided on a pretty sneaky one. The day before, he reminded Lana about when she was younger and had had poor table manners. Back then, he had told her that whenever she became a real lady, he would take her out to dinner. They had both forgotten about it for a long time. He would take her out to the pond as if to fulfill his promise. She would see the setup as providing an evening with her dad, not realizing who she would really spend it with.

It’s 8:10 pm and I’m pacing nervously among the trees. T. J., the eldest Loukota child at twenty, has returned home with his two youngest brothers, whom he had taken to McDonald’s: a diversion for him and for them. He’s now doing something over in the shop, a mere twenty feet away. I wonder whether he’ll spot me; later he will tell me that he briefly noticed something through the window but dismissed the sight as nothing.

My phone rings. It’s Tyler, though the plan was for it to be Tracy. I open it, knowing what he’s about to say. “Hello?”

“Start counting,” he replies tersely, then hangs up. It’s the preordained signal to let me know that Lana has returned from Riverwalk, a local apartment complex where she is involved in a church ministry on Thursday nights.

I shut the phone and focus on my watch, the one that Tyler gave me nine days ago when I asked him if I could court his daughter. It’s a nice watch, and it will always remind me of how much Lana’s parents care for me. For right now, it mostly reminds me that my time as a single is running out. Two minutes to wait, two minutes. Time has never flown faster.

At about one minute and thirty seconds, I begin to hear the roar of an approaching train on the tracks just outside the property. It gets louder and louder. I nearly panic; what I am about to do will not work with the train this loud. Mercifully, it dies down a bit but still continues, and I am able to go forward with the plan at about the two minute, twenty second mark.

I call Lana. Her dad will be in the bathroom, waiting for me to call her while he’s ostensibly doing something else. She answers. I try to hide a quaver in my voice as I ask her how the evening at Riverwalk went. She’s excited about it; a good number of kids showed up and they had a delightful time. I express some meaningless positive thought in response.

Soon, she informs me that she has to let me go and will call me back. I know far better than she does why she has to let me go, but don’t say anything about it. We say our goodbyes and hang
up. I crouch in my hiding spot and wait.

About forty seconds later, my future bride and her father come walking into sight, toward the table, holding hands. She looks around in wonder at the atmosphere he and I have worked hard to create. Tyler seats her with her back to me, facing the pond and its floating candles. He takes a seat opposite her and begins to talk.

I’m not really sure what he said; he wasn’t sure beforehand exactly what he’d say either, but he told me to wait twenty seconds and then come bail him out. I follow the plan and begin stepping cautiously, quietly, toward my true love. The train is still moving in the background, providing some great sound cover.

It’s too perfect. I get right up behind Lana without her hearing me. Tyler has glanced over at me a couple times while I was on my way, and now he tells Lana something about being sorry that she had to hang up with Luke. Completely disingenuous, tsk tsk; but the divinely appointed opening.

I open my mouth and in a flash she knows. “Yeah, I guess I understand if you can’t call me back right away.”

She turns and gapes for just a moment, then smiles, stunning me with her composure. Tyler says something; I again don’t know what and I don’t figure she does either because we were both paying attention to something else. Anyways, my future father-in-law makes his exit for the house, and I sit at the table across from my true love.

Of course, I knew what I’d say once I sat down. Our standard greeting, unimaginative, but fitting. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she responds. My heartbeat speeds up. This is really it, kid. You’re really here. You’ve made it.

Helplessly, I stall for about a minute and a half. “So do you want to small talk?”

She shrugs graciously and says “I don’t care”, still smiling. Of course she doesn’t want to small talk. She wants you to spit it out and make all her dreams come true. So do it, chump.

Opening my mouth, I try really hard. But I can’t do it. I just can’t. I need help from God, and so I ask if we can pray. Of course we can. We bow our heads, and I take a deep breath. Then another. And another.

I pour out my heart to God briefly, thanking Him for His goodness and asking Him to help me tonight. Amen, and we look up. And I can’t be silent about this anymore. She’s waiting, for heaven’s sake.

Mentally I clear my throat, unfortunately having no reason to do it physically. “All right, I’ll cut to the chase. With the blessing of both sets of parents, I would like to ask you to enter into a courtship relationship with me, culminating in marriage.”

There. Statement One has been made. That one’s easy compared to Statement Two. The ball is now, temporarily, in her court. Her eyes glisten as they fix steadily on mine. “What can I say?” she finally blurts. “I’d love to?” I can’t help but smile. “Yes,” I hear, “I will.”

Wow. Just, wow. With the fact that we are now officially a couple established, we begin to talk about all kinds of things, all centered on what has just begun. The candlelight allows us to spend a lot of time looking into each other’s eyes, and it’s a whole new experience. We’ve looked each other in the eye before, but would never have allowed ourselves to drink the other person in, to gaze unblinking into one another’s souls. I can’t hold her gaze for very long; it’s so piercingly innocent and joyful.

After a while of alternate talking and silent gazing, I begin to review our relationship, from the day we first met to the present. I reference February 27 as the day that I knew I was going to marry her, but let her know that I’m not going to tell her about what specifically happened then until later. She allows me to skip over it and carry us to the present.

We talk for a long time more, about kids and courting and parents and how great God is. All the while, though I’m more conscious of her than anything else, I cannot believe how amazingly perfect the evening is. I don’t want it to ever end.

At last, ten o’clock draws near, the time set by her parents for us to come back to the house. And I still haven’t told her about February 27. Finally, after waiting past ten, I know I can delay no longer. Statement Two must finish the deal, now.

“My lady,” I begin in a clipped British accent, “you have shown remarkable patience and forbearance, but time is running short and we still have not discussed the matter of the 27th of February. Do you wish to do so now?”

With eyes dancing, she smiles and answers formally, “I do.”

“Very well; then I shall tell you.” But before telling her, I want to make something very clear. “Lana, let me preface this by saying that I don’t want you to think that I merely believe this is God’s will, although I do; that I merely love you as a friend, although I do; or that I am merely very strongly attracted to you, although I am.”

And I proceed to tell her about 2/27/07. We were in American Lit class that day at UAFS, with Mrs. Winters our professor. It was the day we had gotten our graded essays back, and because of a technicality Lana hadn’t realized, she got a D on it. Mrs. Winters offered an opportunity to revise the essay and redeem much of her score, but Lana was still completely torn up. She didn’t stop crying through American Lit, and was still crying as we went to our next class. I relive it all for her, telling her how terrible I felt about it, how unable I was to even try to comfort her. And then how, sitting with her in the lecture hall of the Gardner Building, waiting for American Revolution to commence, I fell in love with her. We had been best friends for a while at that point, but that was the moment when God showed me that we were to marry, and allowed me to give my heart away. I had kept it back all my life, had never allowed any girl to have it, and from that moment it was all hers.

And I wrap up by saying those long-awaited words to my bride-to-be: “Lana, I love you.”

Her eyes begin to well up again as she takes in all that I have told her. Then, quietly, she fulfills my dream. “I love you too.”

But I want to make something clear. “Do you?” I query.

“I do.”

Because, I say, I don’t want to pressure her in this in any way. “I want you to always know that when I tell you I love you, it’s not because I want to hear it back. It’s because it’s true.”

She stares at me with gratitude and, yes, love, and reaffirms that she truly does love me.

And I am overwhelmed. I go on to tell her another vital thing that I have longed to say for so long: how beautiful she is. To tell her that “I truly believe you are the most beautiful creature I have ever put my eyes on.” Awkward wording at the last, but at least I get it out. I tell her that she’s not merely beautiful, but pretty; that there is a difference in my view. Tears form in her eyes again. She knows at last how beautiful she is, how I see her. “And I like to think,” I finish, “that when I look at you, I get a glimpse of the beauty that God sees when He looks at you.”

She gazes at me tearfully. “That’s beautiful,” she whispers. “Thank you. Thank you.”

After a short while longer, we blow out the candles, head back to the house, and inform her brothers of our status change. We’ve waited for years to fall in love, have kept our hearts back, have stayed away from any semblance of romance. We will still wait to express any physical affection, even holding hands, until the wedding day. But the journey has begun, and we’re taking it together.

You just can’t tell me honor is dead. You can’t tell me it doesn’t work. You can’t tell me it’s not romantic.

My eyes tell me otherwise.

The Word from the Cave

Sitting here knowing I need to do some schoolwork, but my brain isn't very motivated to get up and start functioning like it's supposed to. The rest of the body isn't helping things. The eyes are going, "Can you like give us a break already?" The fingers are getting sick of having to move around and do my bidding on this keyboard. The legs are feeling rebellious; they want to do what they want to do; it seems like they're sick both of sitting still and of moving.

The eyes command the attention, because if they shut down, it gets very dark. So my fingers take a break from the board and become masseuses for a few seconds. The mouth obeys the command of the tired brain and opens for a nice yawn. The legs start bouncing up and down, tired and restless. Deep down somewhere in my chest cavity, the heart works as rhythmically and methodically as it ever has; good thing, because if it emerged and heard the complaints from the rest of the body, it might decide to just start taking breaks or something. That wouldn't be particularly conducive to my health.

More yawns. The arms stretch and flex, trying to get more comfortable. The fingers drag themselves over the keys, no longer caring to lift themselves up, no longer worried about my blasted typing accuracy.

The brain, perhaps startled into action by the Two Towers battle music emanating from my computer speakers, rouses itself and starts shouting out commands. "Sit up straight! Blink a few times! Type properly! You've got work to do!"

OK. It's right. I settle into the chair, position myself taller, force the fingers to hit the keys high and with pride. It's time to work.

It's Friday, the week before finals. Things are now set in motion that cannot be undone. The body shudders a restless breath and begins.

The Beating of Your Life

OK, well, I should probably be in bed, but tomorrow's a Saturday and I don't have to get up at all if I don't feel like it (OK, that's a slight exaggeration), and I'm still trying to clear my brain from today. So I figured I'd give ya'll a blog post on this the First Day of the Month of Decembre in Anno Domini Two Zero Zero Seven. Since some of you have been loudly demanding it for a while.

This has been absolutely the craziest week ever. At least a nominee for the title, anyway. It's been way down, it's been way up, it's been invigorating, numbing, energizing, tiring, sad, happy, torturous, fun. Sorry, I like to use series of adjectives like that; someday I'll do that in some great book, I'm sure, but till then you'll have to cope with me doing it multiple times.

Sometimes I just wish life would go away for a while and leave me alone. Just for a little while. Not the people in my life, of course, no -- there wouldn't be much point in being all alone, without my family or my church or my Lana or anyone there.

I'm beginning to realize that this is what happens when you grow up. It's not that you necessarily become any less of a kid, though you certainly have to become a lot more of an adult. But the grind of life hits you and it never stops. It rolls right over you and keeps coming. It never stops. It picks you up off the ground so it can throw you down again. It never stops.

Even when it does go away for a while, it's still there. You can't escape it forever. At best you get brief respites. But it won't really go away. It doesn't go away on Saturday. It doesn't go away on your honeymoon. It doesn't go away on vacation. It just allows you to forget about it for a little while.

And then it's back full force, smacking you in the face, daring you to look it in the eye. 7:30, buddy boy, time to get up. Long day ahead of you. You groan like an overmatched boxer and stagger up for another round; the knockout hasn't ended the match.

On and on you go, as days turn into years. Your body starts to break down. You're too tired to cry at the pain anymore. Bam! An uppercut across the chest. Then another. And another. And another.

You sink to the ground, eyes open and blood-filled, vacant. You wait to be picked up again for more pummeling. You want to die.

And then you do.

The blood clears your eyes in a flash; you rise up without thinking about it; the crowd begins to cheer. You look down and see your enemy lying fallen to the floor. You don't know how he got there. He glares up at you, powerless.

Then the Referee strides to your side; He grabs your hand and thrusts it aloft in His own. Without looking at His hand, you can feel the hole in it.

You fall down again as the crowd cascades cheers. The laurel drops off your head and rests at His feet. You look up and He's smiling, puts His wounded hands on your shoulders. He doesn't have to say anything.

And suddenly it hits you in a flash. You search His eyes in wonderment. His smile broadens as He nods. The crowd becomes deafening.

You were winning all along.


Like all portrayals of life that we humans can concoct, this one's skewed, and that's intentional. The boxing match analogy falls pretty far short in some areas. Life isn't all just one big beating. There's magnificent joy, not just exhausted tears; great victories, not just crushing defeats. The abundant life, the one that He gives us, that dwells inside us, that bursts forth like the dawn, runs counter to the life that we fight everyday. And it triumphs over it.

But the life that we live, threescore and ten years or however long it may be, is nothing. One day we will open our eyes and it will be gone. Forever.

The crowd will erupt and we will see the Savior's face. We will have escaped, not because we found a way out, but because Someone took the keys and threw the doors open.

We will step into the life that is true life. And we won't ever want a break from it. We won't ever get tired of it. We won't ever pound our head against the wall hoping the headache will somehow go away.

There will be no more headache.

And we will live forever with Him, you and me and the hosts of the redeemed. We'll celebrate the victory of the match, and worship the Winner.

And He will praise us, because He has made us winners too.

On Food

Wow. Today I ate the Thanksgiving Dinner of Eternal Stuffedness. Nine and a half hours later, I'm still not hungry. I did something I generally don't do on Thanksgiving -- gorged myself. I think it was the two pieces of chocolate-chip pound cake that did it. After the four-layer delight, I mean.

Anyways, Hannah said I'll probably make up for it tomorrow by not eating as much, since I'll be with my lover and I'll probably be talking to her a bunch. After saying that, she changed her mind and said that we'd actually probably be mostly looking into each other's eyes. She's a smart one, that sister of mine...

I'll probably eat something in a couple of hours here, because I can tell I'm going to get hungry fairly soon. I did snack on a few leftovers from dinner at suppertime, so it's not like I haven't eaten anything since then.

Anyways, yeah, eating. Quite enjoyable; I like it very much. My darling Lana isn't as fond of it as I am; there are of course foods that she likes, but on the whole she sees eating as something you have to do (or in her case sometimes, something you SHOULD do but DON'T; I love you, darling), rather than something you get to do.

But I'm a teenage boy and will be for another year-plus, and I loved eating long before I turned thirteen. I mean, sure, it's primarily a means of satisfying your bodily needs, but it's pretty pleasurable as well. Thanksgiving dinner isn't my favorite, not really even close to my favorite. What I can't wait for is Christmas: For that, instead of doing traditional turkey-dressing-potatoes-blah stuff, my dad's family cooks up Mexican. Oh yeah, that's awesome stuff there...

As far as what my favorite is, I would have to go with my mom's homemade pizza (preferred meat on it is sausage; sorry darling). Among my other favorites would be tacos, chili, vegetable-beef soup, chicken and dumplings, lasagna, and spaghetti; all as my mom makes them, of course.

So what are some of you guys' favorite foods?

Exclusive look at filming on October 27

Hey all, in honor of Hunted and the idea of providing something different for the eye to gaze upon, here are some pics from way back on October 27. Taken by one of our lovely assistant directors, the indispensable Nan/Sarah/Hannah herself (we'll make sure she gets into the credits by that name somewhere).

It was pretty cold to start out, but warmed up as we went. The first scene we filmed featured Carl talking on the phone to Clyde (and having Dusty actually there to read his lines off-camera did not benefit Chris one iota as he gave his performance)




After doing another scene where an angry Carl talks with lovable henchman Pete (T. J., shown on the left in the next pic), we went to do a dramatic moment between Eric and Clyde.


And oh, hey, thought I'd try the Blogger video upload since I've never tried to put anything on here with it. Check out some raw footage Hannah took using our digital camera. Man, we're just raining spoilers tonight...

Well, hope you enjoyed a special, exclusive, behind-the-scenes, never-before-seen look at a small part of a day of filming on the most anticipated movie of 2007, uh, I mean, 2008. And yes Meggy, we're still working on it; it's very much alive and will survive, if the Lord wills.

Why Being a Movie Director Is Cool

Being a movie director is cool because...

...you get to work with professional actors who know exactly how to deliver what you want, the first time. (Hey, that made me laugh.)

...you never have to go very far when you want to reach out and strangle the writer who wrote this stupid script.

...it's a job title that never fails to impress.

...you get to spend a lot of time around your gorgeous lead actress.

...people stop saying, "Are you guys still making those stupid movies?" and start saying, "Hey, I can't wait to see your movie!"

...you get a bunch of underlings with titles ranging from "First Assistant Director" to "Script-Holder Guy."

...people's destinies rest in your hands ("Sorry, but no, we'll have to keep doing takes until we actually get it right.").

...you get more time than you could ever want to work on qualities such as patience, humility, and kindness.

...you never wake up bored on a Saturday going, "Man, I have nothing to do today!"

...you get to work to fulfill your vision and then see it on screen.

OK, so I caved and threw a heartwarming, nauseating one in there at the end. What are you gonna do, sue me?

As much fun as I may have with the idea of why being a movie director is cool, I know that God has put me in this position for reasons that I mainly can't even comprehend. I have learned so much while working on this movie -- about movies and about a ton of other things. Mostly I have learned the lesson that I will continue to learn over and over again until He calls me home: that I am a sinful man in need of a Savior. Praise the Father for sending One.

Class last night

Sunday night class last night was pretty cool. I am really blessed to be able to teach it; it's helped me tremendously, and I hope it's helped my youth group as well.

Last week we had started talking about witnessing. I wanted to go through the subject because we haven't studied it in a long time, not in class anyway. Dusty and Chris teach a tract time at church camp called "Extreme Evangelism - They Don't Serve Breakfast in Hell", but not all of our youth have taken it; and some probably needed a refresher.

So we've been discussing witnessing, and it's a lot of fun. Last night we continued something we'd started last week. I had been having people give the references to Bible verses that might be useful in witnessing. Last week we'd gotten the basic verses of the Roman Road: Romans 3:23, 6:23, 5:8, and 10:9. Those verses are the most popular to use in witnessing, and don't get me wrong, I think they're great and we should absolutely know them and use them. But I wanted to see what else the youth would come up with for witnessing verses.

Over about 30 minutes, they pretty much blew me away. They listed some more obvious ones: Acts 16:31, Ephesians 2:8, John 3:16. But most of them were leafing through their Bibles looking for more references while others shared theirs, and they found verse after verse that could be used in sharing the Gospel. Stuff like John 10:9-10, Isaiah 55:6-7, Matthew 1:21, and on and on.

Many of them didn't just share a pertinent verse; they would also explain why the verse might be useful in a witnessing opportunity. That really blessed me too, because one of my major goals as I teach Sunday night class is that the youth not merely learn stuff, but learn how to apply it and use it in their lives.

We had a really good time and came up with far more verses than I had ever imagined. Hannah's going to type them up and let everybody have copies next week, so that they can look at the verses further and hopefully memorize them (I encourage that). Also next week, we're going to discuss different questions or issues that might come up while you're witnessing to someone, and we'll do some scenarios. That's right, situations where people like Dusty or Chris or Jordan or Trevor or whoever can both practice and demonstrate ways to witness.

It's pretty cool to see the youth getting into this; evangelism is one of the most important things we can talk about and do, and I hope and pray they're seeing the importance. I'm looking forward to class on Sunday night. Thank You, God, for giving me a youth group that seeks to know You and Your Word better, and for the opportunity to teach them what little I know!

A stolen post (as in, I don't have time to write it)

Hey, hello, how are ya, welcome aboard, as Sean Hannity says.

I don't really have time to post right now, at all; should be in bed at this point, but it's been too long and I needed to get something on here, and I'm not feeling that tired, so you won't be seeing any One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People-Eaters today, nothing more tragic than a run-on sentence.

I had something I was gonna say and I totally forgot it. Maybe I am tired after all. Ah well.

Oh, yeah, if you've got a filter that keeps you off YouTube (our desktop does, or did), and you want to see Hunted previews, check out www.godtube.com. It's the Christian version of YouTube, fairly cool though obviously not quite so polished as the real thing, and just do a search on it for, I don't know, Hunted or Hobbbottom or something like that. I've got the preview and the teaser up (the ones I previously featured on this blog) and so far both have grabbed a lot of views; I'm curious to know who's watching them.

Anyways, wanted to let ya'll know about that. I guess I'll get out of here and get in my bed and get nice sleep. Thanks to all of you who are praying for me and Lana; we've had a tough week on several fronts, but God has been there for us every step of the way, and right now I think we're tired but happy (OK, I admit it, I am kinda tired).

Peace out, dawgs; I love you, Lana.

Random thoughts

Random thoughts before I retire (to bed):

Just got done reading a play by Chekhov for Theater class. I'm sure it was deeply moving. Awesomely beautiful. Splendiferously phantasmagoric. I'm glad it's over.

I hate not being able to spend very much time with my family, with my job and school and everything. I love Lana and I want to marry her and live with her more than anything, but the idea of leaving my family makes me want to cry.

I believe; help me with my unbelief.

"It is a curse having the epic temperament in an overcrowded age devoted to snappy bits!" - J. R. R. Tolkien

Romance is like a very special Christmas present from your Father, who gives the best gifts in the whole world. You've waited for it for so long, dreamed about it. Finally, one day, you see it wrapped and sitting under the tree. But you can't open it yet, not for a long time, and you know that shaking it could spoil the surprise that awaits. One day, after staring at it dreamily for a long time, you break down and open it in secret, just for a second, to see what it is. Then you close it up again. As December rolls onward, you do this over and over again. It's pretty fun, very exciting; you talk yourself into believing there was never anything wrong with opening it early. But when Christmas morning rolls around and you get to open and enjoy the whole thing, something curious happens, or rather, has happened. It's, well, not everything you'd hoped. It's exciting, sure, but it's nothing like what you'd dreamed. And you're left to wonder what it would have been like if you'd left the box alone until the appointed time.

Life is a complicated haze of preemptive indigestion.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to just give it up and quit the stupid school thing.

You guys have no idea how awesome it is to get to lead a group of young people in worship once a week.

I have a watch. It's really nice. All the guys in my youth group envy it, although only Aaron is willing to admit it.

Some Christians say that even if we were wrong in what we believe and there was no God and death was the very end, we would still be on the right side because Christians live the happiest lives. I say, balderdash. The Apostle Paul said, if our belief in a resurrection is false, "we are to be pitied above all men." If Jesus did not rise from the dead, there is no hope, all is vanity, period.

"Oh God, bless us. Yea, even curse us. But please be not silent!"

The term "Jesus Freak" used to be a way of insulting Christians. Then a little band called dc Talk turned it around and made it cool. But do you claim it, and if so, do you live up to the title?

There ain't no disguising the truth...Truth can be suppressed, but it cannot be silenced. We get down on Pilate, but he asked the right question; he just didn't wait around for the answer. "What is Truth?"

What will you do for Christ? What will you NOT do for Him?

Two Months of Me and Lana, the Couple

All righty, my sunshine princess wrote an absolutely lovely post on her blog, so if you haven't checked that out (musingsofaservantprincess.blogspot.com), go look at it first; I won't go anywhere in the meantime. The reason I say to read hers first, other than how wonderful it is, is because my post began as a comment for hers and then wouldn't stop growing.

Wow, two whole months since the courtship began, and four years and change since we met! To think you guys (Lana's family, that is) have added three future siblings-in-law for me since that first meeting. I had no idea, my dearest, that you had memorized our names in the directory; that's great! Maybe some unconscious premonition about the *different* family you would one day be a part of.

I think I gradually got to know Lana through the visits to her family's house (all of us kids swam together in their pool; that was fun) and through a Christian worldview Co-op class we took together. That was where I really became impressed with her passion for God, her obvious intelligence, and her love of reading. Some time thereabouts or afterward, my mom told me Lana wanted to start a Christian magazine for teens. Mom thought I might be interested. She's such a matchmaker! (Aw, just kidding; I know the thought had to have crossed her mind, but she wouldn't do that.) Anyways, we started trading e-mails about the mag, continued to see each other when our families were together, and gradually became really good friends.

Then college reared its beautiful head. Lana had originally planned on going to the U of A in Fayetteville (WOO PIG SOOIEE!!!) and majoring in agriculture. But ultimately she decided God was instead leading her to attend the majestic University of Arkansas-Fort Smith and major in Rhetoric and Writing. Guess who had already made his plans to do the same thing?
So yeah, taking classes together and seeing each other every day, on top of the friendship we already had, pretty much cinched that our friendship would grow a lot closer. Of course, I say that in hindsight.

But yeah, I had prayed about her for a really long time, probably since I was like fifteen. I was committed to not giving any part of my heart to her without knowing for sure that we were to marry, but I can't deny hoping that she was the one. I can't deny being basically convinced that she was the one.

I just needed that freedom born of certainty, and it came on Tuesday, February 27, when I fell in love with her and then realized that God had allowed me to, and that she truly was going to be my girl.

So I pined for six months, never hinting anything to her, waiting for the ripe moment; and then I talked to our parents, helped her dad put some candles on the pond, and declared myself on August 23.

Everything in our friendship before that night seems vague, somehow. I try to remember it and think about it, since it represents a beautiful time now that we have moved together into a more beautiful time. But I can't get inside my head, the way I thought and loved then; I think back to treasured memories and I view myself like a character in a play, detached.

And that's okay, because I wouldn't go back to the days of silence for anything. I love Lana and she loves me, and we both know it, and the world does, and that's the way it's supposed to be. And when I leave my father and mother and unite with her and we become one flesh, I know I won't want to go back to these days for anything. But I treasure them now.

So there it is, the first two months of courtship. But I will never, as long as I live, forget the first two hours. Gazing into each other's eyes across the candles, seeing something in the other that we had never seen before. Realizing, again and again, that this is it, our time as singles and just friends is over, and I really am going to enjoy the rest of my life with the most beautiful girl I've ever seen at my side. What I saw in her eyes as I told her I loved her for the first time, and what she saw in mine as she returned my love.

It was a sweet two hours, Lana, and it has been a sweet two months. I have drawn closer to you, opened up more of myself to you, fallen even more in love with you (and I didn't realize that was possible). But positionally, my relationship with you has not changed since that fateful day at the end of February, and it never will: I am truly yours.

"You have captured my heart, my sister, my bride. You have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes..." - Song of Solomon 4:9

We did film Saturday, and I am tired

Exclusive screenshots from Saturday, just 'cause I can:

Saturday was a good day of filming. Didn't get everything we'd wanted to get, but I think we got about as much as we could reasonably expect. The morning stuff was nice, because in the three separate major scenes we filmed, I could give my actors the script and tell them to start working on it, and then go off and figure out locations and shot setup with my lovely favorite assistant director. Once we made our plan and got back, the actors would be ready to go, and we could go out and film it. Very nice...

We finally finished the climactic scene of the film, on our third day of shooting it (not that we took all day on it for any of those three days, of course). I'm pretty happy with it. Hopefully you will be too, when you see it, whatever it may contain.

Right now I'm plumb tuckered out, as we say in Arkansas; looking forward to catching about nine hours worth of sleep before embarking on the new week. Fortunately I have nothing due tomorrow and I actually got some work done for Tuesday tonight. So we'll see how I do. My bride-to-be is convinced that I'm already getting too stretched, after one week of working the new job. I certainly hope not.

I guess, since it's past midnight and that was my projected bedtime, I'll get off here and get in bed. I really do want to post something a bit more thoughtful and creative on this thing at some point. Right now, with school and work and church and sleep, it's hard to find the time. But I guess that's okay. As long as I don't get too stretched, right, darling? God will provide for me, I have no doubts there.

Want to thank you guys again just for your prayers and your support, because I know I've got both. I never had particularly wanted to blog for very long before I got this one, but I've really enjoyed writing on it and I've enjoyed reading as much as reasonably possible of you guys' blogs. None as much as my Sunshine Princess, though; sorry. I just really like the way she writes. Maybe since I like her writing so much (and she apparently likes mine; or at least, so I've heard), we should get married. D'ya think?

OK, yeah, I know, I'm officially awful, and I officially don't care. At least I'm fairly coherent, as opposed to my previous post. Anyways, happy sledding, don't let the bedbugs bite, and may the stars of Elbereth shine upon you! And Lana, I love you, my dearest!

Tired and crazy

Wow, another day has already left us. Man.

The job is still going well, today not as smoothly as Tuesday. But yeah, it's different. I'm going to plan my time very efficiently if I want to get my assignments for school done. But it's good.

Today I didn't have class with Lana. It was wonderful. Wish we could do it every week. If you're wondering why I enjoy not having class with her so much, just consider that there's two different ways to interpret that phrase.

OK, I kept starting stupid sentences in the last paragraph and stopping them because I realized how stupid they were, so that means it's probably time to get off and hit the hay. After all, you never know what could be sneaking up behind you when you're on the level of a high-frosted iceberg...OK, I think I've reached critical mass here.

Tomorrow Friday, lots of good filming to do on Saturday, and hey, no work on the weekend! And I get to be with Lana almost all day on Saturday, Lord willing! Yay!!!

And then when the polar bear comes and starts marching toward his position in the left rank of the soldiery, the knights of the Round Table will emerge from their holes and come storming towards the

G'night, all.

My darling princess, and, my second day of work

Hello everyone,

First off, please pray for Lana and myself. Last week I was the one with a dilemma to resolve; this week it's my sunshine princess. I'll let her tell you more about it if she chooses, but basically it's an opportunity for her that has some definite pros and cons that need to be weighed. I honestly don't have a clue about what to do right now; I'm glad we have wise parents who can give us godly advice, and I know that God will lead us to the right decision. But we really need your prayers.

I love her so much and I am so proud of her. She wondered tonight why I'm proud of her, when she's struggling with this issue. Oh, darling, do you want me to start trying to list all the ways you make me proud? I would have no clue where to begin; I could talk about the way you love and support me, the way you love and support your family, your hard work for school, your passion for Christ, your example to fellow believers (me, first and foremost, but also others), just the fact that you're drop-dead gorgeous and look good no matter what you're wearing or how much sleep you're riding . . . uh, yeah, I guess that's the beginning of a general list of sorts. But hopefully, at least for now, you get the point.

...

Second day of work is in the books, and it went more smoothly than the first one. Yesterday I had so much stuff to take in; today I've got most of it down (I think), so I can focus on actually doing the job. And it's not too bad, thus far. Parts of it I enjoyed, parts I didn't enjoy, but boy did it feel good to get to the end of my shift, log out of everything, and call my bride-to-be. Now I've got some homework to do, and then maybe I'll have a bit of free time before bed.

Free time is good; I can't survive without having at least a bit of it every now and then. Of course, I'm having to make do with considerably less than I'm used to, but it's cool; had to do it at some point, and this is as good a time as any.

Well ladies and gents, I'm gonna bounce, take a shower, do said homework, e-mail my princess, and maybe go to bed here in a little while. Shalom out, my Hebrew homies. I love you, Lana, and I'm proud of you, and don't you forget it.

The first day is over...

Just a quick post; I know, I know, Lana, I need to go to bed rather badly, but I wanted to post real quick.

First day of the job, well, kinda overwhelming, lots of information to take in, but I got through it, and it'll only get easier from here, though maybe not instantly. It feels good to be working a full-time job that pays really well and (hopefully) takes me one step closer to being able to marry the girl of my dreams.

I missed Lana so badly today. We're used to me getting to sneak up on her on the second floor of the library and surprise her in the midst of her studious concentration. Today was the first day in my time as a college student that I've missed class, but the only thing that really mattered was missing Lana. Fortunately, by God's grace, I get to go to class tomorrow, which means that I get to be with her from 9:15 am to 2 pm. I am so unspeakably blessed to have her.

All right, I'll get off and go to bed now, but I wanted to thank you guys for your prayers, and thank you, Brannan, for referring me and encouraging me. Above all, thank you, my Lana Marie, for being my beautiful help-meet, and farther above still, thank You, my Lord and Father, for the unmerited favor You lavishly bestow on me. I am Yours.

Video reactions, and, a new job!

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the exclusive first-time-on-planet-Earth Hunted previews. I definitely enjoyed putting them together and letting you see them. It's really exciting to have something official, something anybody can see; it encourages me since the film is a long way from being finished. Anyways, thank you for all the nice comments; I really appreciate them.

As Meggy noted in the comment section, we've got a few more videos (unrelated to Hunted) over on YouTube. I hope to put many more on there. You can find our official channel at www.youtube.com/hobbbottomfilms. Right now, in addition to the two Hunted vids, we have posted the short "Silent Movie" starring Daniel and Trevor, as well as the "Woe-Be-Gone" commercial starring Trevor and the other Daniel from our youth group.

I think YouTube is way cool; it provides us with an awesome opportunity to let lots of people know about the film. Please, if you know anyone who you think would like the movie (based on what little you know about it, anyway), send them a link to the YouTube videos.

And now for the actual subject of this post. I have a job. A new job, at any rate. I'm still really not totally sure how it came about, but I know it's an opportunity that God has given me, so I'm really thankful for it.

Our friend and former homeschooler Brannan gave a comment on one of my posts from last week, telling me about a job opening in the company she works for. I applied for the job, did a writing test, and got accepted!

So what is this job, anyway? Well, it's for a group called On Point Advocacy. They are involved in political grassroots activism. Basically, my job as an "Advocacy Coordinator" (sounds spiffy, don't it?) is to be given a particular issue (like fuel economy standards or something boring like that, for example), call voters who have expressed interest in the issue, and ask them if they'd like me to write a letter to Congress on their behalf about the issue. Then I write the letter, assuming they want me to. It's a bit more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it.

I'm not totally excited about the phone aspect of it (I'll take writing over talking any day), but the pay is very good and it has a lot more hours than my previous job. And I get to set them as I want, within certain boundaries. So that's really nice.

I start next week, and I don't know whether I'll like it or not, but I'm excited because it's an opportunity that God "dropped in [my] lap", as my future father-in-law put it. Hopefully, it brings me another step closer to the day when I'll be ready to provide for myself and Lana financially. And that, as you may imagine, is really exciting. Thank You, Lord, for giving this to me!

So I ask you to please pray for me as I start this job, and continue to pray for me and Lana as we continue on the path God has laid out for us. I could not make it without her, by the way. Even though we're not married yet, she is fulfilling her calling as a help-meet to me, and I thank God so much for her. I can't even describe how much it means to have her with me, helping me, loving me, praying for me, telling me she's proud of me; you guys'll have to discover it when you find your future spouse. I love you so much, Lana.

And the first trailer...

Oh baby, and you thought the first video was exciting. Check out the very first trailer for Hunted. Looks nearly epic, dudn't it? Let the film buzz begin!

Oh my goodness, what is this?!?

Take a look at the first-ever footage to be released from Hunted, a full-length movie from Hobbbottom Films and Shadow of the Cross Productions.

WOOOOHOOOOOO! Snaps for Hunted!!!

Only 77 days till Christmas!!!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

OK, maybe not quite. Matter of fact, it's still hitting the 90's outside. We're not exactly facing the imminent approach of winter.

Plus, I always make it a point to grouse annually about how stores break out the Christmas decorations before Halloween -- or in some cases before Easter, apparently. Can these people not WAIT??

But for some unknown reason, that's not my attitude this year. I simply cannot wait for Christmas. It's such an amazing season of the year, and I can't wait to experience it again! I'm ready for biting cold and "Silent Night" and nativity scenes and strings of lights.

I think I'd settle -- at the moment, anyway -- just for getting to sing "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel". That is one of my absolute favorite Christmas songs. The lyrics are haunting and the melody sounds Jewish. Maybe I'll do that on my way home tonight.

Gotta go, but whaddya say? You guys ready for Christmas? Tis (almost) the season!!!

Midterm week, and, discussions, and, Sunday night class

It is the midterm week at dear old U of A Fort Smith. Doesn't seem possible. Before you know it, my Lana and I will be staring finals in the face, and then, ho ho ho, it's on to Christmas we go!

Yesterday I discovered a fact that many of my readers have known for a while (apparently): my darling sister Hannah has two blogs. One for spiritual musings and one for everyday happenings. A Smeagol and a Gollum, as it were (sorry Emy, you won't get it till you read LOTR, mwahahahaha).

Not that there's anything wrong with having two blogs. But there's no way I could ever keep up with it. It's hard enough to post on this one, thank you; plus, I would probably forget which blogs was which and wreak some form of havoc in that ignorance.

So I think I'll stick with Warrior. It's nice, it works, even if I only get to post three or four times a week.

Speaking of which, we've been having some lively discussion in the comment section of the previous post. My bride-to-be and I have been ganging up on our dear Emy on the issue of violence (don't worry; we haven't hurt her, at least not yet). Makes me wonder if perhaps we should start up a discussion forum, like on Ezboard or something like that. They're free and don't look pretty, but they are much more efficient and organized ways to discuss. Plus you can talk about whatever you want, whether or not it relates to a blog post. Of course, some of you seemingly do that already; while reading comments, I constantly see references to stuff I know nothing about -- apparently it relates to some other area of cyberspace that I have not penetrated.

Anyways, commenter people, let me know if you're interested in doing something like that; I could set one up pretty easily. Of course, you'd have to pick and stick with a single username; that could prove bothersome for some of you girls who have a multitude of names (yes, I'm talking to you, Nan/Sarah/Hannah/who knows what else; just kidding; it doesn't *really* bother me). But I think it would be cool, if you guys are up for it. Then again, it'd be one more spot on the Web that you visit regularly, so if you just want to limit yourself to blogs, that's okay too.

Nothing due tomorrow; hurrah! Please pray for me as I am currently applying for the job Brannan mentioned in previous comment sections; I don't know whether it will work or not, but the opportunity can't be a coincidence and so I'm looking at it.

Last night we finished going through Ephesians 5 in youth class. Well, I say finished; we actually didn't get to the end where it talks about husbands and wives and such; but I think we'll cut it off where we stopped. We'll probably do specific studies on marriage roles in the future; I think it's so crucial for young people to learn that while they're still single. I'm still struggling with the whole teaching thing a bit, so pray for me. For a while we basically had a formal lesson where I pretty much lectured the whole time. Lately we've been doing a discuss-through-passage type thing where I kind of lead and everybody has an opportunity to chime in. We've gotten some really good stuff out of that, but I'm not sure that some of our younger believers are getting a lot out of that. So we'll see. I really enjoy getting to do the class and lead in studying the Word; if any of you Branchers have any suggestions, let me know.

Time to lock up and go home; let me know you guys' thoughts on doing a messageboard. If you don't want to, cool with me; it's just a thought.

Oh, blessed weekend!

Ahh...nothing due till Monday! It really is a wonderful life!

Man, I wish I had something to post about. I do have that other unfinished post that I'll pull out at some point, but I don't have time to get it done right now. Sitting here at work, waiting through the last few minutes, soon to leave and go minister alongside my bride-to-be at Riverwalk Apartments in Fort Smith.

Heading for a relaxing weekend. The rest of the guys in my family are going on our church's men's fishing trip, but I shall stay home, for I have a previous engagement (ha, pun intended, even though I'm not yet engaged) -- taking my darling Lana to shop for shoes tomorrow afternoon.

And, hopefully, I'll get to work on some dear-to-my-heart projects this weekend; life is such a tenuous balance between what you have to do and what you want to do; and for me, the "haves" possess the upper hand. What you hope is that sometimes the two coincide; for example, I have to spend all this time with Lana, in class and outside class, and oh yeah, maybe I want to as well, just a little bit. So that's wonderful.

But yeah, I'm looking forward to some rest and recup, spending some time with my lady, and working on some fun stuff. Speaking of Lana, please pray for her, all: she's going no-carb to try to kill the ills, and not ingesting any carbohydrates isn't particularly pleasant.

And I guess that's all I've got for now. Have a great weekend, give it to Him, and I'll catch ya on the flip side. And of course, I've got to take the opportunity to say, yet again: I love you, Lana.

Being a Subcreator

Sometimes I wonder what to say in my blog posts. It often feels as if I don't really have anything new -- God is awesome, I'm in love with Lana, school is school, Hunted is still going, church is good . . . ahem, uh, new stuff, please?

It's an issue for me as an artist, too, because as Solomon so aptly put it, "There is nothing new under the sun." I recently saw the first forty minutes of The Matrix in my theater class. The story of that wildly popular film has been touted as fresh, outside-the-box, mindblowing -- but its world-that's-not-real concept dates back to ancient Greek philosophy. Even J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, one of the most powerfully original and inventive masterpieces the English language has ever seen, uses a variety of plot points that date back for centuries.

But maybe what matters is not the originality of the content as much as how it's presented. George Lucas' Star Wars used archetypes as old as storytelling itself -- the young dreamer with high destiny (Luke Skywalker), the old man serving as mentor (Obi-Wan Kenobi), the damsel in distress (Princess Leia), the rogue adventurer (Han Solo), the ruthless villain (Darth Vader), etc. But it reframed those character types, often putting a new spin on them, in a story that came off as completely fresh and memorable.

So back to me: I seek to tell stories. Great stories, bold stories, revolutionary stories that impact the reader and point to Christ. But I've gotta be realistic. I know there's only so many ways I can portray my hero (or whatever character), and most of them have been done before, many times. But whether I use one of the old methods or try to spin up something new on my own, I'm seeking a unique portrayal, and one that's my own.

And to me, that's the key. Does the fact that my story may not be that original after all make me want to toss up my hands and just start stealing ideas? No, it really makes me want to work harder to achieve a high level of storytelling. My story won't have any revolutionary themes, but I can frame those themes in a way that no one has ever done before.

The very idea of doing that strikes a chord in me. I don't know if you writers out there feel it too, but it cuts to the heart of what I want to be as an artist. I want to tell fresh, exciting stories that bring a smile to my Creator's face and point people to Him. And I pray that the very first person who gets pointed to God through my stories will be their author.

Ultimately, the reason none of our stories will ever be really new is that God has already created all. He is the Master of all storytelling, and all of our tales are ultimately derived from his epic True Myth. What is the True Myth, you ask? Well, it's a phrase coined by Tolkien (when he was witnessing to an atheist friend named C. S. Lewis, incidentally) to describe the Gospel story of Christ. I would stretch it to include the entire story of God's redemption of man, which means that it's everything that's ever happened and ever will happen. It truly is your story and my story, in addition to being Adam's story, and Noah's story, and Peter's and Paul's and Martin Luther's and Mother Teresa's and Billy Graham's. We are all a vital part of His story.

So when we seek to tell our own made-up stories, the beautiful word that describes it is subcreation. I, the man, seek to tell my tales and craft my art, but it is ultimately derived from and subordinate to my Heavenly Father and the Story that He continues to unfold.

I love being a subcreator under You the ultimate Creator, Father. Praise You for the gift of story You have given to mankind. May we use it for Your glory.

The Future Fast Approacheth

As much as I'm ready to get home and eat some supper, I kinda dread it because I have two papers to write for my writing classes: a personal essay and a memoir. I figure I can complete the personal essay to some degree of satisfaction today, but the memoir will be much less so. But, Lord willing, I'll have both of them ready for tomorrow, and it will be good.

Lana and I have been talking a lot lately about the future, namely, when we can get married. We're looking into some options for housing as well as work, and also trying to estimate what our monthly expenses will look like. I don't guess that sounds like much fun; it's actually a blast. I love talking to her about it.

The biggest concern for me is, and has always been, income. Namely, where exactly will it be coming in from? I feel called to be a writer (perhaps among other things), and writers aren't exactly known for having steady income. But right now I'm looking at this really cool book about freelance copywriting, which basically is working independently and having different companies hire you for jobs that require writing -- press releases, posters, instruction manuals, whatever. It sounds really good to me on a number of levels, the primary one being that I could work at home and be with my wife (and kids, eventually) a whole lot more. But, if I do it, it's going to be pretty hard to get established. Just trusting God that if He wants me to do that, He'll provide a way; and if not, He's got a better job out there for me.

In the meantime, I'm finding out how badly I want to marry Lana. As soon as workable. We'll likely wed either in summer '08 or summer '09. And in case it's not obvious to you, there's a big difference between those two time periods. But, if we need to wait an extra year to get married, I'm willing to do that. I can't deny hoping we don't have to do that, though.

It feels pretty weird to be looking at all these options and wondering about insurance and groceries and figuring out a way to make enough money to put bread on the table. But it's also exhilarating, because I know that answering these questions brings us closer and closer to the time for setting a date, buying a ring, and planning a wedding. You guys simply have no idea how much I long for that, though you will someday.

Today Lana and I checked out Sebastian Commons, the apartments at our own UAFS. We like the idea of living there, if only for the two years before graduation, simply because the housing and utilities would be free under scholarship. We got to tour an apartment, and it was so amazing to think, "Man, in less than a year, we could be living in something like this." It was a lot of fun.

So I ask you to please continue to pray for us. We need the wisdom and guidance that only God can give as we try to sort out all the wonderful issues that come with the decision to marry. We want to make sure that we know the difference between what we want and feel and what God wants. I can't wait to see what happens as He continues to unravel this beautiful tapestry of our life together.

Till tomorrow, all; and, I love you, Lana.

While you're waiting...

Well, here I go again. I started a post with some big ideas, and found myself unable to finish it to my satisfaction before I leave work. That makes two now; maybe, just maybe, I'll get them done and posted next week. I hope.

The thought currently occupying my mind: Bloom where you're planted. A crass, cliched way to put a biblical truth, the truth that God wants you to follow Him and to take joy, no matter what your situation.

Today a friend of mine told Lana and me to enjoy our courtship time, because "that's the best time of your life." He said that when you get married, everything is so much harder. I'm sure that's true, but I honestly don't care, because I love Lana and if there's anything I want to do with the life God has given me, it's marrying her.

So yeah, I kinda begged to differ with his implication that being married is somehow not as good as the time beforehand (to represent him fairly, he did say that marriage is awesome, just that it's so much harder). But it got me thinking about the entire issue of being in different situations. I do need to enjoy this time of courtship with Lana; it won't last forever.

My time as a single is already complete, gone, finis. And now that it's over, I wouldn't want to get it back for anything, but that's certainly a sobering thought. Makes me want to encourage you readers out there to use your time as a single for God, as Paul admonishes us in 1 Corinthians. To me, one of the worst things about dating (and there are many bad things about it) is that it takes away that blessed time of singleness from young men and women. When you're dating, you're not married, but you still have a lot of time monopolized by another person; it's essentially the worst of both worlds. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, read 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.

So I want to enjoy this time that God has given me to court my beloved Lana; one day this time will be over and our time of marriage will begin. If you're single and just champing at the bit to find that special someone, I encourage you to wait patiently. God will fulfill that dream in His own time; in the meantime, He has great things for you as a single. Don't get so caught up in the longing to find a mate that you miss out on what He's doing in your life right now. And just don't wait on your mate; while you're waiting, let God use you in mighty ways, ways that won't be possible when you're married.

As I look back on my time as a single, I know I was not perfect, in purity or in any other area. Yet I think that, for the most part, because I committed not to date or to give any part of myself to a girl, God was able to use me in ways that simply would not have been possible otherwise. It scares me to think of how many Christian young people limit God's work in their lives by pursuing romance before His time. Don't make that mistake; use your time as a single for His glory.

Catching Up, and, The Elusive Book

Another week rolling by. The schoolwork looks like it will get really crazy before the semester's over. Can it really be possible that we're actually coming up on midterm? Time flies when you're in love...

I'm beginning to get a little bit frustrated in the writing classes (Advanced Comp and Nonfiction Writing), simply because I don't have the time that I would prefer to spend on the various papers and assignments in those classes. There are a lot of projects going in both, and while I'm not visibly behind yet, I feel like I'm accumulating a wealth of academic debt that I'll have to pay at some point this semester.

But, just have to take things as they come and use spare time to catch up. It's not like life is going to slow down any time soon. And that's okay, because when I have a lot of free time and nothing that really needs doing, I become pretty unproductive, pretty quickly. Busyness isn't always fun, but it just feels right when you're caught up in the midst of it.

The excitement of "the current project" is likely here to stay in one form or another, as well. What I mean by that is that when Hunted finally comes to a close, I'm going to start feeling this massive void due to not having something major like that pressing down on me. So I'm sure I'll start some project or other after that, whether it be a (short) film or a play, or even a book.

It would be so wonderful to get a book written; Lana and I long ago (back in the "just friends" stage, that is) each set the goal of finishing a book before graduation. Of course, I know it's ludicrous to think about starting one right now, with school blazing and Hunted calling; and it may still be ludicrous even after Hunted is in the can (I mean that in the sense of "finished", not in the sense of "kaput"). But it's a dream nonetheless, and at some point you have to start working to make the dream become reality.

What kind of book? Well, a novel, naturally. Fictional storytelling has been my passion for as long as I can remember. I appreciate my Nonfiction Writing course and its emphasis on telling a good story that's true, but I'm frankly more interested in telling fictional stories that are "truthful". Whether that story takes the form of a book, a play, or a movie.

So yeah, we'll see. If I start writing a book, of course I'll let you know -- in time, once I have something substantial, at any rate. I know I'm not ready to write one yet, but as the love of my life pointed out, maybe I need to begin the work before I can truly be ready. Time will tell, and God will reveal.

So what are your dreams, my readers? I actually have a post about the subject of our dreams, waiting to be finished, that will precipitate further discussion. But what are the passions that God has planted in you? I know some of you out there are writers; what else have we got?

We really did film this weekend!

Hey, what do you know! We actually filmed on Saturday! Can ya believe it?

No trains were harmed in the making of this film. And no one was harmed by trains in the making of this film. Just thought I'd clarify that for ya, Emy.

So yeah, crazy filming day, long but good. At some point, when I get a bit of spare time and remember, I'll get some screenshots up on the blog. And, who knows, maybe some moving images. The plot thickens...

I guess you guys have figured out by now that I abandoned the whole idea of these cool indepth "Production Updates" (I gave two of them like, way back when this blog started). I wish I could give you guys a really close look at what we're doing in production, but I simply don't have time to do that. Hey, Lana doesn't have a job (and therefore must not be at all busy at any time, right?); ask her. *mischievous smile* I love you, darling!

So we continue to claw our way toward the end of this baby. How much do we have left? Very little and quite a lot. But we'll get there.

I'm really not sure how long the post-production process will take, though. Editing isn't that hard of a job, but it takes a lot of time just because of how many stinkin' scenes there are. Then we have to rerecord dialogue and stick that in there; I have no idea how hard that will be because I've never done anything remotely like it. There's also the all-important score, which I think will be fantastic, but which will require a lot of planning, recording, rerecording, mixing, matching with the film, etc. Once we have all those components, we'll be ready for the final sound edit; I want to make sure we don't sell that short. We'll probably end up recording a lot of small sound effects for various parts just to make sure we get as full a sound as possible.

After that, we'll be ready to plan a premiere and get stuff ready for the DVD release. That's gonna be such a blast. The payoff of seeing this thing finished is going to be amazing stacey.

If no one involved had jobs or school to occupy their time, we could probably finish filming this week, take a couple weeks to edit, then maybe three or four more to get the final sound edit. Sadly, that's not the case.

But we will finish this movie, if the Lord permits. All of our rabid fans will merely have to be patient for a while longer.

Anyways, Lana has already posted about Saturday, so you have that. I won't add much more except to say that when I get to spend that much time with her in a day, I have to call it a good day. I had so much fun filming with her, acting alongside her, being extremely sappy during the brief breaks (as she can testify), driving her around, and watching the Razorbacks with her (even though they lost).

And, as she and I also said over on her blog, yesterday was our one-month anniversary of being "a couple". Talk about unbelievable. Let me tell you singles again, one more time, even though I'm sure it won't be the last: Do things God's way. His plan is incredibly more fun and more romantic than anything this world can concoct.

I am so blessed to have this wonderful woman whom I love and who loves me. If you'd told me three months ago that we would be so madly in love and in the midst of intoxicating romance right now, I would not have dared to believe you. God doesn't just meet our wildest dreams; He surpasses them. I love you, Lana.

Kudos to my movie people!

Currently trying to get a Saturday filming schedule together. Yes, believe it or not, we really are still working on this movie. I'm proud of my people and the job they've done thus far, and I think we're all gonna be pleased with the outcome, if for no other reason than that there is an outcome.

Thoughts on those who have been an integral part:
Lana - Yeah, did you really think I was gonna mention somebody else first? Not an exaggeration to say that without her, there would be no movie; and most of her contributions came before our courtship began. She was one of my chief sounding boards for ideas in pre-production, did way more script-critiquing than anyone else, and tossed out a bunch of ideas herself. She knew that she'd be playing Leslie, one of the biggest roles in the film, but had no idea that her job description would also include makeup artist, co-director of photography, co-production designer, and assistant director. She has truly been a shieldmaiden on this project, doing all of her jobs spectacularly, helping to give things some semblance of organization, and constantly encouraging and being there for me. I love you, darling, and I cannot thank God enough for the job you have done on this film.

Daniel - My little brother (he's still my little brother for the time being since I have a couple inches on him, though that could change in the next few years) was the first to share the Hunted dream, way back in summer 2005. His slavemaster boss has prevented him from being on location as much as he's wanted to, but he's done a good job as 1st assistant director when available. He also spearheads the film's comic relief by playing wacky woodsman Shawn. Incidentally, guess who can only do filming for half the day on Saturday because he has to go mow lawns? ;-)

Hannah - If anyone has cause to complain about their part in the project, it's probably my sister. That's because she never thought she was even going to have a part in it, and I never counted on us needing her. But she's been a crucial part, doing a lot of our camera and boom operating. Sometimes she gets frustrated by having to run the camera with four crazy losers and Lana in front of it; but she has done a yeoman's job and deserves a gold medal for her patient, steady effort. Snaps for you, sis!

Trevor - It simply wouldn't be right to make a movie like this without the T-Rev Meister's involvement. He and Daniel and I have filmed a lot of really bad video together; hopefully Hunted doesn't quite fall under that classification. Trevor has always been a great actor with a natural instinct as a filmmaker. His main official contribution to Hunted is the part of Ryan, who's a bit more straight-laced than most of T-Rev's previous characters (like Fred in the play It Happened At Ernie's). But he's also helped in a number of small ways behind the camera. Finally, he has the irritating ability to memorize his lines with little effort, while the rest of us are still squinting at the pages and going over a scene for the umpteenth time.

Dusty - Our fearless youth group leader brings his skills to the big screen as Clyde, the villainous elder brother of Eric and leader of the Adams County Gang. Dusty's done an outstanding job thus far in his acting and has been able to help a bit behind the scenes, though not as much as he'd like. By the way, what was I thinking when I cast him and Chris in parts that have them interacting with each other on screen a lot?

Chris - See previous entry. Chris has struck exactly the chord I was looking for in his part as Carl, Clyde's sidekick. Both of these guys have had limited time in filming but have hit home runs in their acting roles thus far. They've also been very supportive and patient with me as I continually make filming plans and then change them. Thanks a ton, dogs.

Tara - You can count her the second member of the "Younger Sisters of Key Players Who Never Thought They'd Be So Crucial To This Movie" club. And yes, I know that phrase is technically unclear, but you know what I'm talking about. Anyways, Tara has found herself following Hannah around a lot as an operator of our boom (the microphone carrier, basically). Both of them have been troopers, although Tara seems to have found a niche for going to sleep in the midst of late filming nights; she's done it both times we had to stay out late. Sheesh, who sleeps at 2 in the morning, anyway?

Tony - Maybe we should change the name to the "Younger SIBLINGS of Key Players Who Never Thought They'd Etc." club. As the younger brother of our sunshine princess, Ton' never thought he'd get plunged into one of the key acting roles in the movie, that of the other wacky woodsman, Travis. But of course, a story's not a good story unless it involves some character or other getting plunged into something unexpected. So there we go. At any rate, Tony has come on at the eleventh hour and acquitted himself extremely well in front of the camera. I particularly like his petrified intensity during the scary story scene.

James - Being called on to play a henchman who serves under the likes of Clyde and Carl is no small thing. James has amply handled his role thus far and even brought a nice unexpected spin to some of his scenes. Of course, out of all our cast, he has the biggest problem finishing a scene (a scene, say I? Nay, rather a line) without bursting into voluminous laughter. But we still love him anyway.

Josh - An imposing demeanor and experience as a bad guy in the Easter program (playing a Roman soldier there; Dusty and James have also done this many times in the past) make Josh an ideal choice for the tough-guy role of Dirk, another henchman. He's only had one filming day so far, but Lord willing that will change on Saturday. Daniel is on record multiple times as saying that he's not looking forward to shooting at Josh with a paintball gun (oh wait, did I just give away a plot spoiler?).

So, is that the team? Well, most of the prominent ones, anyway. But of course, we could not do it without our location providers: Tim and Susie (my parents), Tyler and Tracy (Lana's; even though we haven't actually filmed anything at their house, our film crew has received their hospitality), Clinton and Lichea (Trevor's parents), Dusty and Amanda, Wayne and Georgia, Jordan, and of course my dear Gramma and Papa.

And the list is still not complete; hopefully the credits will be. As we (Lord willing) wind down to the end, at last, of the production process, I want to thank all those who have helped us on this film. And thanks as well to people like Meggy and Emy and many others who have encouraged us and prayed for us. You guys rock my face off.

Most of all, thanks to the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows, and from whom come all good things. We love You and pray that this movie glorifies Your Name, our God!

And that's all for this week, folks. Don't anticipate another post from this quarter till Monday. As always, please pray for our Saturday filming plans, that God's will is done. Namarie!

Another short one

Not time to chat again, I'm afraid. Sad how that works. I am, however, working on another post that has me pretty excited, but that one must await completion.

Today another good day. Lana and I once again experienced God's lavishing of love on us, and grew closer together. I don't know how God does it, but I praise Him for it.

School just may be getting extremely crazy; I'm not sure. At any rate, I've got a variety of things to work on for different classes, and hopefully I'll be able to get a lion's share knocked out this evening. School rocks my face off -- though I don't particularly enjoy it. Any of you guys identify with that paradox?

For now, well, thank God for life, love, and the pursuit of happiness that can only be found in Him. You are worthy, my Lord and God, of everything I have. Praise You. To my beloved Lana, thank you for talking to me today and letting God use you; I love you and could not stop thanking Him for you even if I wanted to. You truly are my sunshine.

Put your hope in God

What an awesome God we serve. Great is His Name, and greatly to be praised. Not to us, oh Lord, not to us, but to Your Name be the glory.

I don't want to tell you guys too much because you don't need to know. But suffice it to say that Lana and I were going through a really tough time last night and this morning, and God brought us through it in an amazing way.

She skipped lunch today to spend time in the Word and in prayer, and invited me to join her. Of course I wanted to be there for her sake, but I didn't anticipate the work God was going to do in me.

Having gotten out of class before me, she had already been spending time with God for a while when I got there. I sat down beside her, feeling as miserable as I had -- well, as I had for a while already that day.

After a while, Lana started humming -- bless her wonderful propensity for humming and singing; I couldn't have married a girl who wasn't like that! -- and the song was "As the Deer", based of course on Psalm 42, which I have previously referenced on this blog. The Psalm was already on my mind from yesterday, when I read from it during our morning worship at church. But as I began to read it now -- along with Psalm 43, the two Psalms having originally been together as one -- I don't know. It's difficult to explain. I have identified with so many of the Psalms at various times, but I've never had the feeling that I could have written one of them word for word, that the connection between it and me would be that strong.

Well, this morning I felt like I could have written Psalms 42 and 43. I won't post them here, though I encourage you to look them up yourself. But the key verse, which is repeated twice, is 42:5: "Why are you downcast, my soul? Why so troubled within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." I have identified with those words so many times, but have never felt them burning in my core as they now did. The Psalmist knew the answer to the questions he was asking in this passage, and so did I. "Put your hope in God..."

I did exactly that, and began to feel the burden lifting off my shoulders. In its place, a nearly manic joy. I had gone from being depressed to being happy in a matter of moments, all because of the amazing Word of God.

I joked to Lana later that I had learned two things today (neither of them in class, incidentally, but that's a part of the joke that only she would fully get): God is awesome and the Bible is true. Seems elementary, basic, milk-type stuff, doesn't it? But we can't truly comprehend how correct those two statements are. This very day, many people doubtless considered them, assented, and yawned; I found a new sense of awe and a new depth in my relationship with my heavenly Father. And for that I thank Him.

That's not the whole story, of course; the experience also inspired a series of thoughts about the divine art of life that will probably make it to a CtB article in the future. And I'll leave it to Lana to tell you, if she desires, what God did for her. But for now, I want to tell you, again: God is awesome and the Bible is true. Two little facts; eight words; the capacity to forever alter your life.

So, discussion time: the Psalms. Do you read them a lot? Do you closely identify with any (or all) of them? Which ones are your favorites and why? Have you tried praying them? Are there any that you find hard to understand or hard to reconcile with faith in God? Let us discuss.

Alas, so little time

"Sir? . . . We're in a terrible rush." - Inigo, Princess Bride

Well, I do wish I had time to write out a proper post for my loyal and wonderful readers, but unfortunately I don't. I'm already ten minutes late getting off work, thanks to a last-minute phone sale.

God is just straight-up awesome, in case you weren't aware of that fact. Any particular reason for me saying that? No, not really, other than the incredible bride-to-be He has given me and, well, just the joy of eternal life.

Heading into the weekend. May not be able to film on Saturday, AGAIN. I'm still trusting God on it, but boy, I don't know how He's gonna pull it off. I guess it'll make it that much cooler when He does.

Anyways, I'll catch ya'll on the flip side; have a great weekend; worship God alone; I love you, Lana. Namarie.

Staying Off the Escalator (till then)

DISCLAIMER: My bride-to-be, under the suggestion of my future mother-in-law, said that maybe I should make some statement about my always writing and publishing my posts from work; some might misunderstand and think that I am clandestinely breaking the rules. I certainly don't want you to think that, so let me clarify by telling you that my job is patently of the desk nature. As an authorized agent (basically a sales/customer service representative), I get to sit at a desk in a comfortable chair in an air-conditioned room, with high-speed Internet. When I don't have customers, as has especially often been the case lately, I usually have free reign and am thus able to do fun stuff like post on my blog.

OK, now I can really begin the post.

It's a strange experience, being in love. I didn't expect my feelings for Lana to intensify at the rate they have in the nineteen days since I declared myself to her; they have. I expected us, of course, to grow closer together, but not like we have. She was already my best friend and had been for a long time; we had already achieved a high level of platonic intimacy. But now we truly are growing as close to one another as two humans can, though not of course on a physical level.

And the physical restraint has a beauty that the world simply cannot match. There's something special about waiting to share that first kiss until your wedding day. More than that, we have decided not even to hold hands -- for now, and maybe all the way up to the wedding.

The world would look at that and declare its ludicrosity. "How can you say you truly love each other and yet not kiss or even hold hands?" I think even the vast majority of Christians would say that we're going too far.

But we are not practicing restraint for restraint's sake. We do not believe kissing and holding hands are wrong; they are, on the contrary, part of a glorious landscape for displaying romantic affection, designed by God our Father. We fully believe that He means for us to enjoy those actions freely -- one day.

But we aren't married yet; we have not yet become one flesh. And so we have chosen to avoid hand-holding for the simple reason that it is dangerous. Why is it so? Because God never designed man and woman to stop at hand-holding in the ladder of physical intimacy. A ladder, in fact, is a misleading analogy, because with a ladder you can get on and off at your leisure. It's more like an escalator; when you get on it, it's designed to take you to the next floor. You can still get off with some effort, but the further you go, the harder it becomes to stop it from taking you upwards.

Hope that illustration makes sense to you. Because of the danger, Lana and I have chosen not to step onto the escalator. Is it hard to maintain that, being as in love with one another as we are? Absolutely. But I think it's so much easier than it would be if we decided to jump on and just try to stay on a low level.

So, again, we don't think that physical intimacy is wrong; it's a blessing from God. And we love Him and one another enough to wait to hop on that escalator until we're allowed to go all the way to the top. I know, because I know God and because of what He has done thus far in this relationship, that it will be far more than worth the wait.

Sunday and CtB

Thanks to those who prayed for filming on Saturday and for my sermon last night. The filming ended up falling through yet again, but the message went pretty well and I could definitely feel the prayers.

I absolutely loved having my bride-to-be there with me, from 5:00 till time to go home. It was great to have her in class and to sit by her in the service. We actually got to sing side-by-side for the first time (usually I'm up on the stage). She encourages me and lifts me up so much. So do my fellow youth leaders Chris and Dusty, who left their seats and came and prayed for me during the worship. I love those guys and appreciate them so much. I know that I don't have a clue how good I have it in my youth group. Or how good I have it with the love of my life, for that matter.

The message was, well, really hard. At no point did I feel that I was communicating particularly well, but that's okay since what matters most is that I'm submitted to God. There were plenty of things I wish I could have said better, elaborated on, made clearer; but ultimately I believe I obeyed God's call and delivered the message He gave me. If I do that, then I have succeeded even if there is no response. And there was some response (visible, that is), so I consider myself very blessed.

Call me immodest, call me vain, but I'm really looking forward to hearing from those of you who have received the latest CtB and read the "Warrior of the Dawn" short story. I hope you all like it; I think it's one of the better pieces I've written, though that's not saying much. I would like to make clear that it's not an autobiographical story; I do identify with the protagonist, but not in a way any of you would likely understand. I had already written the story when I started this blog, and this name was the only good one I could think of, so, there.

And I fully realize that some of you have NOT received our newest issue, so all I can say for you is be patient; it's coming. Hope you like pictures of me and Lana; I think it has five. Unfortunately, they're in black and white and don't show up particularly well, so maybe we can get them all posted online (I know Lana's already posted the best one on her blog).

Also, please pray for our beloved Meggy and her family, who are completing their move to Colorado as of today. I can't imagine what it would be like to move that far away from everything I've ever know, and I know it has to be very tough for them; so lift them up before the Father.

Elen sila lumenn omentialvo. There, Emy, I did it.

What God's been showing me (a little bit of it, anyway)

Boy am I glad it's Thursday afternoon. Not that the week is over, but the more undesirable aspects of it are. Now the focus shifts to printing CtB tomorrow, prepping for the major woods shoot on Saturday, and, well, doing the major woods shoot on Saturday.

As you know if you read Lana's blog, we went yesterday and picked out a beautiful white gold bracelet. We went to JCPenny's first, followed by the mall jewelry stores, Sears, Dillard's, K-Mart, and Kohl's; then went back to Penny's and got practically the first one we had looked at. Oh well, neither of us minded how long it took, if you can imagine that. It was so much fun to take my girl around the mall and Fort Smith while shopping for jewelry for her. She had a ton of fun too.

Now she has something she can wear and show to people when she tells them about me; that's the main reason I got it for her. I have a watch from my future father-in-law that I can show people; now she has a bracelet from her future husband to show off. It's only fair, as I see it. Of course, I guess the fact that I just love buying things for her counts in there somewhere as well.

Thank you again to those who responded to the FtF query in the previous post. As for me, well, I don't know. On the one hand, it feels like FtF was very significant and formative for me; on the other, I feel quite nearly the same as I did going into it.

Of course, I know that (1) it's not about me and it ultimately doesn't matter how it affected me as long as the Lord's Name was lifted up; and (2) if I was there and doing what God called me to do, then it did affect me, maybe in ways that I can't even comprehend.

I don't feel radically different, as if the heavens have opened up and sprawling new avenues of truth have been revealed to me. But on the other hand, the opening heavens and sprawling avenues probably do fit the last several months for me; God has shown me so much and drawn me closer to Him. Hope you don't think that means I've unlocked perfection; on the contrary, I've been reminded of my imperfection and my utter dependence on my Savior. And I still continue to rebel against my God in ways that shame me.

Thanks to two particular works of John Piper (who is by the way a must-read theologian; seek him out and read his stuff), Desiring God and The Pleasures of God, I have been impressed (not in the sense of admiration, but in that of having something pounded into you) by the amazingly simple equation of life: Love for God = Happiness. Or, to put it more properly as Piper does, revising the old Westminister Catechism, "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever."

What a delightful phrase, "enjoying Him forever". Do we often hear about our need to enjoy God? Sure, we hear quite often about believing in Him, knowing Him, surrendering to Him, even loving Him. But, to enjoy God? I think the Church falls short in expressing that fundamental need that rests in all of us. Our passionate love for God, our enjoyment of Him, is meant to be our fuel, our lifeblood, our thirst that is always satisfied and never quenched.

This is what David meant when he cried out, "Oh God, You are my God. Earnestly I seek You, my soul thirsts for You in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Or as an anonymous Psalmist exclaims, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, oh God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I come and see the face of God? My tears have been my food day and night, while all day long men continually say to me, 'Where is your God?'"

Feel free to check my quotes as I don't have my Bible right here with me at the moment; those are from the opening verses of Psalms 63 and 42. But when was the last time you felt that passion for God? That longing, that thirst, that desperation? When was the last time your heart cried out as godless people around you mocked the Name of your God?

And how do we get this hunger? That's the more pressing question. If you're like me, you can at best claim to have this passion only at times during your life; and often you wonder where it has gone. I have no answers, other than the ones you hear all the time: Read your Bible, pray, go to church. Whether or not you believe it, those really do help, if you seek God in doing them.

Ask God to give you a heart that longs for Him, and then don't stop there. Get into His Word; seek His face; shut all else out and focus on Him. As you attend church, enter with a mindset of willing obedience. If you do those things, you are already on the right path.

But don't ever stop seeking Him; that is, after all, what you're already doing at this point. Note the biblical promise: "You will seek Me and find Me," God tells us, "if you seek Me with all your heart." There are a lot of promises in the Word, but that is one of the most heartening to me.

Anyways, I don't even know if any of you guys even have any struggles with this, but I do. Lana can tell you that I often write out stuff in e-mails to her that she already understands, just so that I get it more clearly. Not a bad habit, I guess, especially for a writer.

But yeah, that's something God's been revealing to me and bopping me on the head about a lot over the past few months, so I thought I'd share that. I'll try to get more into what He's revealing to me, in future posts. For now, sayonara and please pray for our filming on Saturday.