The Sickies, and Being Ready

Well, the sickies finally caught up with me. You can only elude their grasp for so long. I've had some fever the last couple of days, a bit of a sore throat, and some congestion of the nasal cavity. It wasn't a bad time to be sick, because it forced me to get some rest. At least, it wasn't a bad time until today; I was supposed to go with Lana's family to a Christmas get-together with her dad's family, and I had to miss it. Really wanted to go, and I know they wanted me to as well...:-(

But that's the hand that God's dealt me. So today I've been working this afternoon to get ready for the Christmas musical endeavour at our church tomorrow night. I think it's gonna be pretty neat. Unfortunately my darling is going to have to miss it because of family stuff; my Lana, we really must talk sometime and figure out whether it would work to marry each other. ;-) The courtship period is hard because we're so in love and so connected and emotionally intimate, and yet there's still a feeling of disjointedness. I haven't yet left my father and mother to cleave to her and become one flesh with her, and so we're apart. While courtship is a blast, I'm glad this isn't as far as it goes.

And I know that being married will be hard, in different ways. It'll be our family, our household, forming our own identity. (We've talked a little about that, but it probably wouldn't help you to share what we discussed.) We'll have new responsibilities, new difficulties, and of course new joys.

It's scary, and exciting. I marvel at what God has done in our lives (particularly in mine, I suppose, since I'm the one living it) to bring us closer to marriage. Six months ago, even though I knew who I was going to marry, marriage seemed distant, a dream still a long time from fulfillment. Even after I began courting Lana, I figured there would be a lengthy time before we got married. And even after I started hoping and thinking about this coming summer for our union, I still wasn't ready in a lot of ways, still needed to grow up and mature and sort through the emotions.

Am I ready now? Of course, I think that in a sense, I always have been and never will be. In different ways, of course. But that sidesteps the question: Am I ready?

Only God knows. I think so. I hope so. But I don't know. And at this point, I don't think the issue is about me being ready or Lana being ready. The issue is: Are we ready?

And I want us to be. I want it so bad. Right now I'm in the position of praying, and studying, and seeking counsel, and having to rely on God that we'll make the right decision. I find myself in that spot a lot, and I don't always handle it like I should. Somehow He still shows me His grace; He still blesses me with an amazing bride-to-be and two awesome parents and two wonderful parents-in-law(-to-be). And He still guides me down paths of righteousness, for His Name's sake.

Most of you my readers (at least, the ones that post comments; I don't know how many lurkers are out there) aren't yet in the position of having to make decisions like these. That's a good thing. But again, let me urge you to use your time as a single to draw near to God, and to prepare for marriage. The decisions -- who you'll marry, when you'll marry, where you'll live, how you'll earn money, etc. -- will still loom large one day, but you'll have trained so that you can tackle them head-on.

Above all, remember: It all comes down to His grace. What a great and glorious God we serve!