Random thoughts

Random thoughts before I retire (to bed):

Just got done reading a play by Chekhov for Theater class. I'm sure it was deeply moving. Awesomely beautiful. Splendiferously phantasmagoric. I'm glad it's over.

I hate not being able to spend very much time with my family, with my job and school and everything. I love Lana and I want to marry her and live with her more than anything, but the idea of leaving my family makes me want to cry.

I believe; help me with my unbelief.

"It is a curse having the epic temperament in an overcrowded age devoted to snappy bits!" - J. R. R. Tolkien

Romance is like a very special Christmas present from your Father, who gives the best gifts in the whole world. You've waited for it for so long, dreamed about it. Finally, one day, you see it wrapped and sitting under the tree. But you can't open it yet, not for a long time, and you know that shaking it could spoil the surprise that awaits. One day, after staring at it dreamily for a long time, you break down and open it in secret, just for a second, to see what it is. Then you close it up again. As December rolls onward, you do this over and over again. It's pretty fun, very exciting; you talk yourself into believing there was never anything wrong with opening it early. But when Christmas morning rolls around and you get to open and enjoy the whole thing, something curious happens, or rather, has happened. It's, well, not everything you'd hoped. It's exciting, sure, but it's nothing like what you'd dreamed. And you're left to wonder what it would have been like if you'd left the box alone until the appointed time.

Life is a complicated haze of preemptive indigestion.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to just give it up and quit the stupid school thing.

You guys have no idea how awesome it is to get to lead a group of young people in worship once a week.

I have a watch. It's really nice. All the guys in my youth group envy it, although only Aaron is willing to admit it.

Some Christians say that even if we were wrong in what we believe and there was no God and death was the very end, we would still be on the right side because Christians live the happiest lives. I say, balderdash. The Apostle Paul said, if our belief in a resurrection is false, "we are to be pitied above all men." If Jesus did not rise from the dead, there is no hope, all is vanity, period.

"Oh God, bless us. Yea, even curse us. But please be not silent!"

The term "Jesus Freak" used to be a way of insulting Christians. Then a little band called dc Talk turned it around and made it cool. But do you claim it, and if so, do you live up to the title?

There ain't no disguising the truth...Truth can be suppressed, but it cannot be silenced. We get down on Pilate, but he asked the right question; he just didn't wait around for the answer. "What is Truth?"

What will you do for Christ? What will you NOT do for Him?

Two Months of Me and Lana, the Couple

All righty, my sunshine princess wrote an absolutely lovely post on her blog, so if you haven't checked that out (musingsofaservantprincess.blogspot.com), go look at it first; I won't go anywhere in the meantime. The reason I say to read hers first, other than how wonderful it is, is because my post began as a comment for hers and then wouldn't stop growing.

Wow, two whole months since the courtship began, and four years and change since we met! To think you guys (Lana's family, that is) have added three future siblings-in-law for me since that first meeting. I had no idea, my dearest, that you had memorized our names in the directory; that's great! Maybe some unconscious premonition about the *different* family you would one day be a part of.

I think I gradually got to know Lana through the visits to her family's house (all of us kids swam together in their pool; that was fun) and through a Christian worldview Co-op class we took together. That was where I really became impressed with her passion for God, her obvious intelligence, and her love of reading. Some time thereabouts or afterward, my mom told me Lana wanted to start a Christian magazine for teens. Mom thought I might be interested. She's such a matchmaker! (Aw, just kidding; I know the thought had to have crossed her mind, but she wouldn't do that.) Anyways, we started trading e-mails about the mag, continued to see each other when our families were together, and gradually became really good friends.

Then college reared its beautiful head. Lana had originally planned on going to the U of A in Fayetteville (WOO PIG SOOIEE!!!) and majoring in agriculture. But ultimately she decided God was instead leading her to attend the majestic University of Arkansas-Fort Smith and major in Rhetoric and Writing. Guess who had already made his plans to do the same thing?
So yeah, taking classes together and seeing each other every day, on top of the friendship we already had, pretty much cinched that our friendship would grow a lot closer. Of course, I say that in hindsight.

But yeah, I had prayed about her for a really long time, probably since I was like fifteen. I was committed to not giving any part of my heart to her without knowing for sure that we were to marry, but I can't deny hoping that she was the one. I can't deny being basically convinced that she was the one.

I just needed that freedom born of certainty, and it came on Tuesday, February 27, when I fell in love with her and then realized that God had allowed me to, and that she truly was going to be my girl.

So I pined for six months, never hinting anything to her, waiting for the ripe moment; and then I talked to our parents, helped her dad put some candles on the pond, and declared myself on August 23.

Everything in our friendship before that night seems vague, somehow. I try to remember it and think about it, since it represents a beautiful time now that we have moved together into a more beautiful time. But I can't get inside my head, the way I thought and loved then; I think back to treasured memories and I view myself like a character in a play, detached.

And that's okay, because I wouldn't go back to the days of silence for anything. I love Lana and she loves me, and we both know it, and the world does, and that's the way it's supposed to be. And when I leave my father and mother and unite with her and we become one flesh, I know I won't want to go back to these days for anything. But I treasure them now.

So there it is, the first two months of courtship. But I will never, as long as I live, forget the first two hours. Gazing into each other's eyes across the candles, seeing something in the other that we had never seen before. Realizing, again and again, that this is it, our time as singles and just friends is over, and I really am going to enjoy the rest of my life with the most beautiful girl I've ever seen at my side. What I saw in her eyes as I told her I loved her for the first time, and what she saw in mine as she returned my love.

It was a sweet two hours, Lana, and it has been a sweet two months. I have drawn closer to you, opened up more of myself to you, fallen even more in love with you (and I didn't realize that was possible). But positionally, my relationship with you has not changed since that fateful day at the end of February, and it never will: I am truly yours.

"You have captured my heart, my sister, my bride. You have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes..." - Song of Solomon 4:9

We did film Saturday, and I am tired

Exclusive screenshots from Saturday, just 'cause I can:

Saturday was a good day of filming. Didn't get everything we'd wanted to get, but I think we got about as much as we could reasonably expect. The morning stuff was nice, because in the three separate major scenes we filmed, I could give my actors the script and tell them to start working on it, and then go off and figure out locations and shot setup with my lovely favorite assistant director. Once we made our plan and got back, the actors would be ready to go, and we could go out and film it. Very nice...

We finally finished the climactic scene of the film, on our third day of shooting it (not that we took all day on it for any of those three days, of course). I'm pretty happy with it. Hopefully you will be too, when you see it, whatever it may contain.

Right now I'm plumb tuckered out, as we say in Arkansas; looking forward to catching about nine hours worth of sleep before embarking on the new week. Fortunately I have nothing due tomorrow and I actually got some work done for Tuesday tonight. So we'll see how I do. My bride-to-be is convinced that I'm already getting too stretched, after one week of working the new job. I certainly hope not.

I guess, since it's past midnight and that was my projected bedtime, I'll get off here and get in bed. I really do want to post something a bit more thoughtful and creative on this thing at some point. Right now, with school and work and church and sleep, it's hard to find the time. But I guess that's okay. As long as I don't get too stretched, right, darling? God will provide for me, I have no doubts there.

Want to thank you guys again just for your prayers and your support, because I know I've got both. I never had particularly wanted to blog for very long before I got this one, but I've really enjoyed writing on it and I've enjoyed reading as much as reasonably possible of you guys' blogs. None as much as my Sunshine Princess, though; sorry. I just really like the way she writes. Maybe since I like her writing so much (and she apparently likes mine; or at least, so I've heard), we should get married. D'ya think?

OK, yeah, I know, I'm officially awful, and I officially don't care. At least I'm fairly coherent, as opposed to my previous post. Anyways, happy sledding, don't let the bedbugs bite, and may the stars of Elbereth shine upon you! And Lana, I love you, my dearest!

Tired and crazy

Wow, another day has already left us. Man.

The job is still going well, today not as smoothly as Tuesday. But yeah, it's different. I'm going to plan my time very efficiently if I want to get my assignments for school done. But it's good.

Today I didn't have class with Lana. It was wonderful. Wish we could do it every week. If you're wondering why I enjoy not having class with her so much, just consider that there's two different ways to interpret that phrase.

OK, I kept starting stupid sentences in the last paragraph and stopping them because I realized how stupid they were, so that means it's probably time to get off and hit the hay. After all, you never know what could be sneaking up behind you when you're on the level of a high-frosted iceberg...OK, I think I've reached critical mass here.

Tomorrow Friday, lots of good filming to do on Saturday, and hey, no work on the weekend! And I get to be with Lana almost all day on Saturday, Lord willing! Yay!!!

And then when the polar bear comes and starts marching toward his position in the left rank of the soldiery, the knights of the Round Table will emerge from their holes and come storming towards the

G'night, all.

My darling princess, and, my second day of work

Hello everyone,

First off, please pray for Lana and myself. Last week I was the one with a dilemma to resolve; this week it's my sunshine princess. I'll let her tell you more about it if she chooses, but basically it's an opportunity for her that has some definite pros and cons that need to be weighed. I honestly don't have a clue about what to do right now; I'm glad we have wise parents who can give us godly advice, and I know that God will lead us to the right decision. But we really need your prayers.

I love her so much and I am so proud of her. She wondered tonight why I'm proud of her, when she's struggling with this issue. Oh, darling, do you want me to start trying to list all the ways you make me proud? I would have no clue where to begin; I could talk about the way you love and support me, the way you love and support your family, your hard work for school, your passion for Christ, your example to fellow believers (me, first and foremost, but also others), just the fact that you're drop-dead gorgeous and look good no matter what you're wearing or how much sleep you're riding . . . uh, yeah, I guess that's the beginning of a general list of sorts. But hopefully, at least for now, you get the point.

...

Second day of work is in the books, and it went more smoothly than the first one. Yesterday I had so much stuff to take in; today I've got most of it down (I think), so I can focus on actually doing the job. And it's not too bad, thus far. Parts of it I enjoyed, parts I didn't enjoy, but boy did it feel good to get to the end of my shift, log out of everything, and call my bride-to-be. Now I've got some homework to do, and then maybe I'll have a bit of free time before bed.

Free time is good; I can't survive without having at least a bit of it every now and then. Of course, I'm having to make do with considerably less than I'm used to, but it's cool; had to do it at some point, and this is as good a time as any.

Well ladies and gents, I'm gonna bounce, take a shower, do said homework, e-mail my princess, and maybe go to bed here in a little while. Shalom out, my Hebrew homies. I love you, Lana, and I'm proud of you, and don't you forget it.

The first day is over...

Just a quick post; I know, I know, Lana, I need to go to bed rather badly, but I wanted to post real quick.

First day of the job, well, kinda overwhelming, lots of information to take in, but I got through it, and it'll only get easier from here, though maybe not instantly. It feels good to be working a full-time job that pays really well and (hopefully) takes me one step closer to being able to marry the girl of my dreams.

I missed Lana so badly today. We're used to me getting to sneak up on her on the second floor of the library and surprise her in the midst of her studious concentration. Today was the first day in my time as a college student that I've missed class, but the only thing that really mattered was missing Lana. Fortunately, by God's grace, I get to go to class tomorrow, which means that I get to be with her from 9:15 am to 2 pm. I am so unspeakably blessed to have her.

All right, I'll get off and go to bed now, but I wanted to thank you guys for your prayers, and thank you, Brannan, for referring me and encouraging me. Above all, thank you, my Lana Marie, for being my beautiful help-meet, and farther above still, thank You, my Lord and Father, for the unmerited favor You lavishly bestow on me. I am Yours.

Video reactions, and, a new job!

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed the exclusive first-time-on-planet-Earth Hunted previews. I definitely enjoyed putting them together and letting you see them. It's really exciting to have something official, something anybody can see; it encourages me since the film is a long way from being finished. Anyways, thank you for all the nice comments; I really appreciate them.

As Meggy noted in the comment section, we've got a few more videos (unrelated to Hunted) over on YouTube. I hope to put many more on there. You can find our official channel at www.youtube.com/hobbbottomfilms. Right now, in addition to the two Hunted vids, we have posted the short "Silent Movie" starring Daniel and Trevor, as well as the "Woe-Be-Gone" commercial starring Trevor and the other Daniel from our youth group.

I think YouTube is way cool; it provides us with an awesome opportunity to let lots of people know about the film. Please, if you know anyone who you think would like the movie (based on what little you know about it, anyway), send them a link to the YouTube videos.

And now for the actual subject of this post. I have a job. A new job, at any rate. I'm still really not totally sure how it came about, but I know it's an opportunity that God has given me, so I'm really thankful for it.

Our friend and former homeschooler Brannan gave a comment on one of my posts from last week, telling me about a job opening in the company she works for. I applied for the job, did a writing test, and got accepted!

So what is this job, anyway? Well, it's for a group called On Point Advocacy. They are involved in political grassroots activism. Basically, my job as an "Advocacy Coordinator" (sounds spiffy, don't it?) is to be given a particular issue (like fuel economy standards or something boring like that, for example), call voters who have expressed interest in the issue, and ask them if they'd like me to write a letter to Congress on their behalf about the issue. Then I write the letter, assuming they want me to. It's a bit more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it.

I'm not totally excited about the phone aspect of it (I'll take writing over talking any day), but the pay is very good and it has a lot more hours than my previous job. And I get to set them as I want, within certain boundaries. So that's really nice.

I start next week, and I don't know whether I'll like it or not, but I'm excited because it's an opportunity that God "dropped in [my] lap", as my future father-in-law put it. Hopefully, it brings me another step closer to the day when I'll be ready to provide for myself and Lana financially. And that, as you may imagine, is really exciting. Thank You, Lord, for giving this to me!

So I ask you to please pray for me as I start this job, and continue to pray for me and Lana as we continue on the path God has laid out for us. I could not make it without her, by the way. Even though we're not married yet, she is fulfilling her calling as a help-meet to me, and I thank God so much for her. I can't even describe how much it means to have her with me, helping me, loving me, praying for me, telling me she's proud of me; you guys'll have to discover it when you find your future spouse. I love you so much, Lana.

And the first trailer...

Oh baby, and you thought the first video was exciting. Check out the very first trailer for Hunted. Looks nearly epic, dudn't it? Let the film buzz begin!

Oh my goodness, what is this?!?

Take a look at the first-ever footage to be released from Hunted, a full-length movie from Hobbbottom Films and Shadow of the Cross Productions.

WOOOOHOOOOOO! Snaps for Hunted!!!

Only 77 days till Christmas!!!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

OK, maybe not quite. Matter of fact, it's still hitting the 90's outside. We're not exactly facing the imminent approach of winter.

Plus, I always make it a point to grouse annually about how stores break out the Christmas decorations before Halloween -- or in some cases before Easter, apparently. Can these people not WAIT??

But for some unknown reason, that's not my attitude this year. I simply cannot wait for Christmas. It's such an amazing season of the year, and I can't wait to experience it again! I'm ready for biting cold and "Silent Night" and nativity scenes and strings of lights.

I think I'd settle -- at the moment, anyway -- just for getting to sing "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel". That is one of my absolute favorite Christmas songs. The lyrics are haunting and the melody sounds Jewish. Maybe I'll do that on my way home tonight.

Gotta go, but whaddya say? You guys ready for Christmas? Tis (almost) the season!!!

Midterm week, and, discussions, and, Sunday night class

It is the midterm week at dear old U of A Fort Smith. Doesn't seem possible. Before you know it, my Lana and I will be staring finals in the face, and then, ho ho ho, it's on to Christmas we go!

Yesterday I discovered a fact that many of my readers have known for a while (apparently): my darling sister Hannah has two blogs. One for spiritual musings and one for everyday happenings. A Smeagol and a Gollum, as it were (sorry Emy, you won't get it till you read LOTR, mwahahahaha).

Not that there's anything wrong with having two blogs. But there's no way I could ever keep up with it. It's hard enough to post on this one, thank you; plus, I would probably forget which blogs was which and wreak some form of havoc in that ignorance.

So I think I'll stick with Warrior. It's nice, it works, even if I only get to post three or four times a week.

Speaking of which, we've been having some lively discussion in the comment section of the previous post. My bride-to-be and I have been ganging up on our dear Emy on the issue of violence (don't worry; we haven't hurt her, at least not yet). Makes me wonder if perhaps we should start up a discussion forum, like on Ezboard or something like that. They're free and don't look pretty, but they are much more efficient and organized ways to discuss. Plus you can talk about whatever you want, whether or not it relates to a blog post. Of course, some of you seemingly do that already; while reading comments, I constantly see references to stuff I know nothing about -- apparently it relates to some other area of cyberspace that I have not penetrated.

Anyways, commenter people, let me know if you're interested in doing something like that; I could set one up pretty easily. Of course, you'd have to pick and stick with a single username; that could prove bothersome for some of you girls who have a multitude of names (yes, I'm talking to you, Nan/Sarah/Hannah/who knows what else; just kidding; it doesn't *really* bother me). But I think it would be cool, if you guys are up for it. Then again, it'd be one more spot on the Web that you visit regularly, so if you just want to limit yourself to blogs, that's okay too.

Nothing due tomorrow; hurrah! Please pray for me as I am currently applying for the job Brannan mentioned in previous comment sections; I don't know whether it will work or not, but the opportunity can't be a coincidence and so I'm looking at it.

Last night we finished going through Ephesians 5 in youth class. Well, I say finished; we actually didn't get to the end where it talks about husbands and wives and such; but I think we'll cut it off where we stopped. We'll probably do specific studies on marriage roles in the future; I think it's so crucial for young people to learn that while they're still single. I'm still struggling with the whole teaching thing a bit, so pray for me. For a while we basically had a formal lesson where I pretty much lectured the whole time. Lately we've been doing a discuss-through-passage type thing where I kind of lead and everybody has an opportunity to chime in. We've gotten some really good stuff out of that, but I'm not sure that some of our younger believers are getting a lot out of that. So we'll see. I really enjoy getting to do the class and lead in studying the Word; if any of you Branchers have any suggestions, let me know.

Time to lock up and go home; let me know you guys' thoughts on doing a messageboard. If you don't want to, cool with me; it's just a thought.

Oh, blessed weekend!

Ahh...nothing due till Monday! It really is a wonderful life!

Man, I wish I had something to post about. I do have that other unfinished post that I'll pull out at some point, but I don't have time to get it done right now. Sitting here at work, waiting through the last few minutes, soon to leave and go minister alongside my bride-to-be at Riverwalk Apartments in Fort Smith.

Heading for a relaxing weekend. The rest of the guys in my family are going on our church's men's fishing trip, but I shall stay home, for I have a previous engagement (ha, pun intended, even though I'm not yet engaged) -- taking my darling Lana to shop for shoes tomorrow afternoon.

And, hopefully, I'll get to work on some dear-to-my-heart projects this weekend; life is such a tenuous balance between what you have to do and what you want to do; and for me, the "haves" possess the upper hand. What you hope is that sometimes the two coincide; for example, I have to spend all this time with Lana, in class and outside class, and oh yeah, maybe I want to as well, just a little bit. So that's wonderful.

But yeah, I'm looking forward to some rest and recup, spending some time with my lady, and working on some fun stuff. Speaking of Lana, please pray for her, all: she's going no-carb to try to kill the ills, and not ingesting any carbohydrates isn't particularly pleasant.

And I guess that's all I've got for now. Have a great weekend, give it to Him, and I'll catch ya on the flip side. And of course, I've got to take the opportunity to say, yet again: I love you, Lana.

Being a Subcreator

Sometimes I wonder what to say in my blog posts. It often feels as if I don't really have anything new -- God is awesome, I'm in love with Lana, school is school, Hunted is still going, church is good . . . ahem, uh, new stuff, please?

It's an issue for me as an artist, too, because as Solomon so aptly put it, "There is nothing new under the sun." I recently saw the first forty minutes of The Matrix in my theater class. The story of that wildly popular film has been touted as fresh, outside-the-box, mindblowing -- but its world-that's-not-real concept dates back to ancient Greek philosophy. Even J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, one of the most powerfully original and inventive masterpieces the English language has ever seen, uses a variety of plot points that date back for centuries.

But maybe what matters is not the originality of the content as much as how it's presented. George Lucas' Star Wars used archetypes as old as storytelling itself -- the young dreamer with high destiny (Luke Skywalker), the old man serving as mentor (Obi-Wan Kenobi), the damsel in distress (Princess Leia), the rogue adventurer (Han Solo), the ruthless villain (Darth Vader), etc. But it reframed those character types, often putting a new spin on them, in a story that came off as completely fresh and memorable.

So back to me: I seek to tell stories. Great stories, bold stories, revolutionary stories that impact the reader and point to Christ. But I've gotta be realistic. I know there's only so many ways I can portray my hero (or whatever character), and most of them have been done before, many times. But whether I use one of the old methods or try to spin up something new on my own, I'm seeking a unique portrayal, and one that's my own.

And to me, that's the key. Does the fact that my story may not be that original after all make me want to toss up my hands and just start stealing ideas? No, it really makes me want to work harder to achieve a high level of storytelling. My story won't have any revolutionary themes, but I can frame those themes in a way that no one has ever done before.

The very idea of doing that strikes a chord in me. I don't know if you writers out there feel it too, but it cuts to the heart of what I want to be as an artist. I want to tell fresh, exciting stories that bring a smile to my Creator's face and point people to Him. And I pray that the very first person who gets pointed to God through my stories will be their author.

Ultimately, the reason none of our stories will ever be really new is that God has already created all. He is the Master of all storytelling, and all of our tales are ultimately derived from his epic True Myth. What is the True Myth, you ask? Well, it's a phrase coined by Tolkien (when he was witnessing to an atheist friend named C. S. Lewis, incidentally) to describe the Gospel story of Christ. I would stretch it to include the entire story of God's redemption of man, which means that it's everything that's ever happened and ever will happen. It truly is your story and my story, in addition to being Adam's story, and Noah's story, and Peter's and Paul's and Martin Luther's and Mother Teresa's and Billy Graham's. We are all a vital part of His story.

So when we seek to tell our own made-up stories, the beautiful word that describes it is subcreation. I, the man, seek to tell my tales and craft my art, but it is ultimately derived from and subordinate to my Heavenly Father and the Story that He continues to unfold.

I love being a subcreator under You the ultimate Creator, Father. Praise You for the gift of story You have given to mankind. May we use it for Your glory.

The Future Fast Approacheth

As much as I'm ready to get home and eat some supper, I kinda dread it because I have two papers to write for my writing classes: a personal essay and a memoir. I figure I can complete the personal essay to some degree of satisfaction today, but the memoir will be much less so. But, Lord willing, I'll have both of them ready for tomorrow, and it will be good.

Lana and I have been talking a lot lately about the future, namely, when we can get married. We're looking into some options for housing as well as work, and also trying to estimate what our monthly expenses will look like. I don't guess that sounds like much fun; it's actually a blast. I love talking to her about it.

The biggest concern for me is, and has always been, income. Namely, where exactly will it be coming in from? I feel called to be a writer (perhaps among other things), and writers aren't exactly known for having steady income. But right now I'm looking at this really cool book about freelance copywriting, which basically is working independently and having different companies hire you for jobs that require writing -- press releases, posters, instruction manuals, whatever. It sounds really good to me on a number of levels, the primary one being that I could work at home and be with my wife (and kids, eventually) a whole lot more. But, if I do it, it's going to be pretty hard to get established. Just trusting God that if He wants me to do that, He'll provide a way; and if not, He's got a better job out there for me.

In the meantime, I'm finding out how badly I want to marry Lana. As soon as workable. We'll likely wed either in summer '08 or summer '09. And in case it's not obvious to you, there's a big difference between those two time periods. But, if we need to wait an extra year to get married, I'm willing to do that. I can't deny hoping we don't have to do that, though.

It feels pretty weird to be looking at all these options and wondering about insurance and groceries and figuring out a way to make enough money to put bread on the table. But it's also exhilarating, because I know that answering these questions brings us closer and closer to the time for setting a date, buying a ring, and planning a wedding. You guys simply have no idea how much I long for that, though you will someday.

Today Lana and I checked out Sebastian Commons, the apartments at our own UAFS. We like the idea of living there, if only for the two years before graduation, simply because the housing and utilities would be free under scholarship. We got to tour an apartment, and it was so amazing to think, "Man, in less than a year, we could be living in something like this." It was a lot of fun.

So I ask you to please continue to pray for us. We need the wisdom and guidance that only God can give as we try to sort out all the wonderful issues that come with the decision to marry. We want to make sure that we know the difference between what we want and feel and what God wants. I can't wait to see what happens as He continues to unravel this beautiful tapestry of our life together.

Till tomorrow, all; and, I love you, Lana.